Haunted
by meowll
Summary: L and Light have always been at war. But when Light chooses not to kill his rival, will things take a different turn? L/Light.
1. Chapter 1

**I take no responsibility for the possible silliness of this story.**

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><p><em>My blood is cold as ice, or so I have been told<em>

_Show no emotion and it can destroy your soul_

_Another sacrifice to a tormentor_

_Your world wouldn't understand_

_Turn away again_

**Disturbed- Haunted**

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><p>'Yagami-kun. You are finally free, and yet you haven't left this place.' Light heard the voice he was so accustomed with.<p>

Ryuzaki was right: he had no reason to be there. Light had little recall of how being tied up to the detective 24/7 had felt while he was all innocent and not-Kira, but the few hours that had passed between him touching the Death Note and them returning to the headquarters had felt like an eternity.

Not that he had any particular negative feelings towards Ryuzaki's personality; it was _who_ he was, not _how_ he was, that made him Light's enemy. The two would have probably been friends- not the warm, friendly kind of friends, but the intellectual challenging, mind-fucking one another type of friends, but still _friends_- if it hadn't happened that one of them was Kira, and the other one was L. Tough luck.

Even if Light didn't like being around Ryuzaki, he knew he had to keep him under surveillance. Time would pass fast, though, and soon enough L would be six feet under. Then nobody could ever stop Light's plan of becoming God and reigning over a flawless world where anybody who dared to disturb the perfection would simply be eliminated.

In the meantime… it was pretense time. _Pretend you're friends, pretend you're hanging around just for fun_ time.

'Not to mention that you are free to go on a date with Misa now.' the detective added.

Light gave a small laugh: pretense mode activated.

'As eager as I would be, it's been no more than a few hours since we solved the case. It would be unethical to have fun right now.'

'Having fun is never unethical, Light-kun.'

'Nor is it mandatory.'

'Indeed, it isn't.' Ryuzaki mumbled, seeming to be absorbed in his computer work. _What the hell is he working at now?I know he's far from being sure that this case is closed, but he shouldn't make it so obvious._

Although they hadn't exchanged many words that didn't concern the Kira case, both being rather difficult to decipher- because they were brilliant, and because they didn't _want_ to be deciphered, unconsciously being reluctant to breaking their shell and revealing their weaknesses- Light and Ryuzaki could often tell what the other one was thinking, words not necessary.

There was a tense atmosphere between them, running beyond the appearences that revealed nothing of the truth. They had been enemies from the very start and they had known the truth about each other from the very beginning.

L knew Light was a criminal.

Light knew L was a criminal, too. In his smooth manipulations, in his disregard for human lives, in his _the purpose excuses the ways_ mentality, he was a criminal. He had killed people, too, even if it had been indirectly.

At the beginning, Light had thought of L's system of values as being fundamentally flawed. How could he let innocent people die just for the sake of a greater cause? How could he not care about good, and beauty, and justice?

But then Light started doing all the things that he had previously accused L of doing, and he didn't care anymore. He started killing innocent people and he ruthlessly eliminated any obstacle that stood in the way of his perfect world. He treated human lives as if people were pawns in a chess game.

The criminal and the detective weren't that different, after all. But the question was: in the end, which of them was going to be the victim, and which one the prosecutor?

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><p>'You do it', Matsuda whispered to Aizawa while entering the room.<p>

'Yeah, Matsuda, I already told you I would.'

'Good. He won't be taking it too easy. The death of someone you love is a difficult thing to handle, especially if you're romantically involved with…well, if you _were… _God, I can't believe that…'

'Just shut up for once, will you? We don't have time for this.' Aizawa cut him off.

Ryuzaki and Light were the only ones in the main room, each of them at their computers. Light turned to the task force as they entered the room and he seemed surprised by their gloomy appearance. They all seemed uncomfortable, as if they were hiding something that they'd have rather kept secret for ever.

'What's with those faces, guys? You look as if somebody just died.' Light said, laughing at the absurdity of his own statement.

The men gave meaningful looks one to another and didn't answer. Finally, just as planned, it was Aizawa who broke the silence.

'Light… Misa was found dead in her hotel room this morning. Evidence shows that she poisoned herself this morning. We're all very sorry for your loss.'

Ryuzaki flinched in his seat and stared at the force with his black panda eyes. His glace turned almost immediately to the boy beside him, who was now open-mouthed in surprise, his eyes overwhelmed with an unknown emotion.

'W…what do you mean Misa… NO! It can't be! She didn't…' Light got up from his seat and started walking around the room, seeming as confused as someone who just found out something so terrible that he couldn't immediately get used to it. His breathing got heavier and he started mumbling undecipherable words, sometimes interrupted by a loud cursing. When he raised his head and looked at the task force again, his brown eyes were filled with tears.

'I swear… I swear I'm going to find Kira with the price of my life and avenge Misa. She was… she had nothing to do with this, why was she killed? Does Kira kill innocent people now? Is that his brilliant idea of creating a new world? I will catch that bastard even if it's the last thing I do!' Light shouted angrily, bursting into tears again.

Soichiro approached Light and put a hand on his back while the boy was sobbing quietly.

'I promise we'll catch him, Light. We won't give up until we gather all the evidence, and then it will all be over. I'm sorry you have to go through this.'

'How inconvenient', Ryuzaki observed from his seat.

'What do you mean, Ryuzaki?' Aizawa asked.

'Hmm.' The detective munched on a piece of strawberry cake. ' Do not get me wrong. I am most honestly displeased with this unfortunate event. I myself are one of Amane's admirers and I believe her death is a great loss for us. You have my condoleances, Light-kun.' The young man threw a hopeless look in the detective's direction. 'Yet I cannot be amazed at how inappropriate this is. Amane died from a heart attack, so it would be correct to assume that it was Kira's doing. But why would Kira kill a movie star? This is the first event of its kind, and I might not be wrong to believe that Amane was standing in Kira's way somehow. That is why she got killed. If you remember, she was suspected of being the second Kira, and if my suspicions were correct, the first Kira might have killed her because she had become … inconvenient for him.'

'How can you think of this now, Ryuzaki? Can't you see Light is in pain?' Matsuda raised his voice.

'If that is correct, since Misa was suspected of being the second Kira, that means that the first Kira would be…' Aizawa said, ignoring the young policeman.

'Yagami-kun, the main suspect. That is correct.'

'You're a bunch of heartless bastards, you! Accusing Light for Misa's death! Just look at him, he lost the one he loved and now he's being falsely judged for it! Can't you stop?' Matsuda shouted.

'Shut up, Matsuda. We understand that this is a difficult situation for Light, but we have to keep our feet on the ground and keep going with the case. ' Mogi said on a firm voice. 'Though Ryuzaki's reasoning doesn't seem too justified to me…' he added on a lower tone.

'Light isn't Kira. I thought we established that, once and for all!' the chief shouted in anger.

'No…Dad, Mogi, Matsuda. Don't mind me, I'm fine. I'm now more determined to catch the bastard once and for all, and we need to stay focused in order to succeed. But if me being a suspect again is what I have to endure to make things clear, I can take it.' Light said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

'Ryuzaki, Misa might have been killed because she was Light's girlfriend. Kira might have found out of this somehow and punish him for standing against his justice.' Ide said.

'Or he might have killed her because he knew she had been suspected of being the second Kira, and maybe he considered her a threat…'

'But then why not kill Light, too?'

'The answer is obvious. But I have no evidence to support it.' Ryuzaki said, getting up from his chair and leaving the task force even more puzzled than before, with a devastated Light among them that they could find no way to console.

Light turned their backs at them, a large grin on his tear-stained face. _Fools._


	2. Chapter 2

**Go listen to Jack off Jill's _Star no star_. It's a lovely song and the lyrics suit Misa very well :3 Yes, this chapter includes her (more or less).**

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><p><em>I <em>_don't __know __what __to __believe_

_Sew __up __the __sore, make __it __fake_

_When __you're __the __boy __that __I __want_

_I'll __be __the __girl __that __you __hate_

**Jack off Jill- Star no star**

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><p>Light had always thought of Misa as somebody whom he could manipulate into obeying his will and helping -or rather serving- him to achieve his goals, and nothing more. He never had a high opinion about her, but he didn't think Misa was stupid, either.<p>

She had been smart enough to find him, and she would have been smart enough to hinder him in his plans if it weren't for the blinding, unrequited love that she felt for him. Having someone madly fall in love with you is a great responsibility: the very life of that person is in your hands. And having Misa's love meant that Light could also have her, entirely.

Her thoughts.

Her actions.

Her feelings- not that feelings mattered too much to him. Misa wasn't stupid, but she was such a weak human being, allowing herself to be enchained by her feelings and controlled by the one who provoked them. Light could make anything of her.

And so he did.

As he had entered the hotel room earlier on that day, Light couldn't hold back a smile. He might have been a mass murderer, but that didn't mean he didn't enjoy beautiful scenes- and beautiful deaths.

The pale light of the morning was visible through the red frilly curtains that created a dark, eerie atmosphere in the room. Except for the beige walls, the whole chamber seemed to be made of red objects, as if Lucifer would've just had a garage sale. A huge red couch in the middle of the room, red mirror frames, red closet, red carpet, red sheets, red fireplace, all in almost unnoticeable variations of the color. It seemed like a suitable place for Misa. If nothing more, at least she had lived her last moments in such a lovely place.

The girl was standing on the chair in front of the mirror, body collapsed forward, hands numb alongside and head resting on the cabinet. She didn't move. Her eyes were closed and her mouth slightly open, as if she was just experiencing a deep, dreamless sleep. A small glass, now empty, rested on the cabinet, barely noticeable amidst numerous articles of make-up and perfumes.

_Amane Misa. Suicide. In the evening of the 3rd of November, she goes out to buy potassium cyanide from the pesticide shop. In the next morning, at 8AM, she unlocks the door of her hotel room. She dissolves the required quantity of poison in a glass of water and drinks it. Dies because of its effects._

Light checked his wristwatch: 9.02 AM. He had written Misa's death sentence in his notebook days before, with no moral or emotional difficulty whatsoever, when he had made the decision that he thought would keep him the safest. The last time they had met in the same hotel room, Misa was already under the influence of the Death Note.

The truth was, Misa should have been grateful for the death Light had granted her. Potassium cyanide, if dosed properly, offers an almost painless death. After mixing the poison with water and drinking it, most people lose their conscience in less than a minute. The fortunate ones can only last as long as twenty seconds, and after that, it takes up to forty-five minutes until death.

Painless, scarless, bloodless, elegant: it was the perfect death. Light had spent enough time pondering on how to kill Misa, and his cinematic side combined with the small, almost nonexistent dose of feelings that he had for her had helped him decide.

He had promised Misa that the two of them would reign over the kingdom that they would build together; her death had been one worthy of a queen. Just like Cleopatra, who had killed herself using viper poison, dressed in her best clothes before she died to emphasise on her royalty and beauty…

The girl stood still, a pale ray of red light tracing the lines of her cheekbone. She seemed to be alseep, looking as perfect as ever; Sleeping Beauty, maybe, but…

The prince lay a soft kiss on her forehead. She didn't wake up.

Judas' kiss, maybe, because the prince- the killer released a small laugh as he started looking through the drawers in search for his dead lover's weapon.

No, he hadn't loved Misa; what he felt for her could be indulgently described as recognition, but the kind of recognition that you give to your loyal dog after years of owning him: a recognition that denoted that the situation could be no different. It's the dog's aim in life to serve his master; he shouldn't be rewarded. Neither should have she.

Finding nothing of interest in the cupboard drawers, Light flipped over the sheets on the red bed, but the Death Note wasn't there either. He lifted up the pillow and there it was, the black notebook that Misa had used to help him carry out his judgements. It was such a predictable hiding place for a girl to use. Light sighed. Any rabid fan or stalker could have found it if they managed to enter her room, especially if they happened to be around in the interval between 8 and 9 AM that morning, with the door unlocked. It had been a risk to take, but Light had to get there before anybody else and find the Death Note, that's why he had instructed the Death Note-controlled Misa to leave the door unlocked.

He took the notebook- he was finally free to move, no longer enchained to Ryuzaki, and could use the Death Note to resume carrying out the killings, continuing Misa's job. Even though faced with an indisputable disadvantage- Light didn't have the shinigami eyes, like Misa did- he could still do his job as Kira. After all, he had managed to get on just fine without Misa from the afternoon when he'd accidentally found the notebook. Kira liked to work alone, and so it would be.

He made sure the room was in the exact state that he had found it in. His fingerprints wouldn't be relevant to the investigators of Misa's death; after all, he had been her boyfriend, and had come to visit her at the hotel before.

As for Misa, people would assume the usual: she had been overwhelmed with celebrity, she had been assaulted numerous times by obsessed fans, she had lost her parents years ago and the trauma had finally reached the surface…

Few would suspect what really happened that morning, and Light doubted that they could ever have enough evidence to prove it.

The game would carry on, but he would never be defeated.

Wrapped in his overcoat, a cap on his head that left almost no visibility to his eyes, Light left the room. Throwing a last glance at the small, fragile body lying in the front of the mirror, it crossed his mind that it was such a beautiful image. Could even be worth a painting. Famous movie star found dead in her room, destroyed by the very things that she had adored: glamour, luxury and celebrity. That's what the newspapers would be saying.

Or love. Could it have been love?

The receptionist was, as she had been when Light entered the hotel, too busy with welcoming new clients to be able to notice anything weird about the boy. He was, in fact, just another visitor, and after hacking into the hotel's system, he had given the receptionist a fake name with the pretext that he was visiting his aunt, a client of the hotel for the past few days.

He was safe. He always was.

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><p>Light's footsteps clenched on the concrete pavement as fallen leaves were carried away by the November wind. It was cold and light, no traces of clouds, just the distant air of an usual autumn morning.<p>

Light could not tell what he felt at that moment. Yet he could tell one thing: he did feel, and that was enough to make him uneasy.

He had killed Misa, but that was not what disturbed him; it was rather the reasons behind his actions.

He had believed Rem when she'd told him that if anything happened to Misa because of him, he would pay with his own life, but soon after that he came to see that there was a way out of the shinigami's threat.

He could kill Misa and escape with it.

Having realised this, he decided to do it. The truth was, even if Misa had the Shinigami eyes, at one point or another, she would have had to forfeit ownership of the notebook for her and Light's own safety. There would have been a moment when she would've been rendered useless. And then, what?

_Better earlier than later._The blonde had been nothing but a nuisance for him, anyway. The eyes had been the only useful thing that Misa had beheld.

But was this a sufficient reason? Kill somebody just because they would, sooner or later, become a burden to you? Maybe. He was Kira, after all, and few were the reasons that could stop him from killing anybody who could stand in his way.

Light shivered, partly because of the cold, partly because of the thoughts that troubled him. They were unusually hazy, as if their natural course was hindered by something new, something different. Something _human_.

He glowered. He knew this hadn't been all, but nevertheless he'd managed to carefully build an alibi that he could use to deceive himself: if he hadn't killed Misa, Rem would have written Ryuzaki's name in her notebook somewhere in the near future, to protect the one that she loved. And unlike Light, the detective would've had no way to escape Rem's death sentence.

But wasn't that the point of his entire plan? Kill Ryuzaki, so his schemes could finally flow unhindered? The pale brunette had baffled his games even before their first face-to-face meeting. He was dangerous, and he could be the end of Light. Why turn down the chance to get rid of him when it finally arose?

Light claimed to himself that he had to keep him alive so he wouldn't offer the last piece of the puzzle to anyone who was out there, waiting to catch Kira making a slip. Because L couldn't possibly be the only one who did, or who could, pursue Kira. Maybe the only one who could do those things with such skill and methods, but once dead, Light was sure that Ryuzaki would still follow him through his allies.

_The children from Wammy's House_. Light had done a thorough research on L's past- after all, he needed to know his enemy- and had found out about the institute for children with superior intelligence established by Quillish Wammy a.k.a Watari, in order to find a successor for L.

The battle wouldn't be over, then. Light would have to defeat another L, somebody who, unlike L himself, would've had a crucial ace upon his sleeve: L's death.

Knowing that Light had been suspected of being Kira, and now working with the police, maybe even having had direct contact with L… L's successor would only have to put the pieces together to realise that Kira had been somebody close to L, somebody who'd seen him in person and had the possibility of finding out his real name.

Kira was Light Yagami. Two plus two make four. The next L would have to be incompetent not to figure that much out.

Yet, he would've needed proof, just like L did, but unlike L, he would have had greater chances of actually gathering evidence, or…

Light frowned again. This hadn't been the only reason, either. It wasn't good enough, and Light's reasons were _always_ good enough.

The pressure of always having someone to stand against was something that gave Light the feeling of adventure that his intelligence needed to remain active and alert.

No, the pressure of always having _L_ to stand against was something that kept him vigilant and ready to attack. He usually was very determined about winning, but an opponent as worthy as L? His desire to win was even bigger.

Yet, he'd refused the opportunity to do it. Maybe because it would have been Rem, and not Light himself, giving the final blow. Light wanted to be the one to kill Ryuzaki, to defeat him, to show him that his justice was right, and that L's was wrong.

He wanted to destroy the man, yet he wanted to keep him close. A concoction of clear thoughts and intentions had turned into confusion, something Light had rarely experienced before.

Light respected L for his insane intelligence, and he felt like the detective was the only human being who could match his intellect. Without him, it would have been… lonely. No more mind games, no more _who's better at lying_. No more Ryuzaki. No more _Light-kun_ said on that low, gloomy voice that could be actually considered _attractive_…no more panda eyes belonging to the manipulative bastard who had probably never told the truth a single time in his life, and Light knew this, because he hadn't, either; no more weird crouching position and awkward social interaction, no more cynicism and endless conversations in which none of them could win, because they were on the same level and each of them could play the game as well as the other.

He stepped forcibly, keeping the feral expression that confusion had painted on his face. If he'd began to invent excuses for himself even though there was nobody to judge him, if he had began having feelings of an almost human nature towards Ryuzaki…

That would make his victory even sweeter, for he'd destroy his enemy with his own hands, witnessing the degradation of the last human part in himself as he did it.

Because a god was allowed to have no feelings.

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><p>The dim light fell from the window on the two silhouettes who were standing in the hallway. One light, the other dark, one having an incredibly depressed allure as she was floating with her head tilted downwards, the other one slightly bored, slightly interested in the one whom he was facing.<p>

'I can't believe he did it', the white shinigami finally said, lifting her head towards Ryuk and looking utterly hopeless.

'Told ya Light's a smart one', he answered with his usual grin, unaffected by Rem's sorrow as he was unaffected by all the human drama that he'd witnessed during his visit on Earth. 'He knew you couldn't kill him, because I'm the only one who's allowed to kill him, as the contract between a Shinigami and a human possessing a Death Note says. _Once a human possesses a Death Note, the shinigami who dropped it on Earth is the only one who can write that human's name in the notebook_. And even if the notebook that the Kira Investigation Force was his, and you were its shinigami- you might've killed him-, he took Misa's notebook, which is mine, right after murdering her. So I'm the only one who can kill him now.' Grin. 'I was sure he'd figure it out sooner or later.'

'I, for one, wasn't.' Rem answered gloomily. 'I lied because I wanted to protect Misa no matter what, but... I failed.' Rem's voice smallened to an almost inaudible whisper as she looked outside the window, appearing to be thoughtful, but her eyes betraying nothing but emptiness.

Ryuk stared at her, still grinning.

'There's nothing much you can do, anyway. Humans are born to eventually die one day. She would've still ended up dead even if you'd saved her life now.'

'Yes, but...she would've had a longer life and a bigger chance to happiness. Come to think about it, Gelum only saved her life back then for her to be killed now by that... that...'

'Now, now, don't talk about Light that way. He's pretty interesting, you know. And the girl had her part of adventure with him before dying, with all the Kira stuff and whatnot.'

Rem didn't answer. Not because she was at a loss for words, but because she didn't want to discuss her feelings with Ryuk. _That shinigami wouldn't understand feelings even if you threw them in his face. _She didn't hate him for that, though; after centuries of wasting your time in a dark, unearthly realm which offered no source of entertainment whatsoever, just occasionally writing names and extending your lifespan, anyone would've become just like Ryuk.

Rem was younger than him, and a female; she hadn't completely forgotten how to feel.

_It hurt._

'Just... make sure you'll give him the worst death possible, when the time comes.' she spat, then turned her back at Ryuk and went out the door. Following her, the black shinigami watched as she became smaller and smaller on the horizon, her wings carrying the whole weight of her inert body. Wondering where she'd went, the shinigami simply shrugged, then returned inside the headquarters.


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's chapter 3, yay. **

**Thank you to the ones who alerted (alerted? Added to alerts. You get it!), favourited and reviewed. These things make me happy.**

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><p><em>But I'm on the outside and I'm looking in<br>I can see through you, see your true colors  
>'cause inside you're ugly, you're ugly like me<br>I can see through you, see to the real you_

**Staind- Outside**

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><p><em>4th of November<em>

The atmosphere in the main room was gloomy and silent. The task force members had attended Misa's funeral just a few hours before and they all seemed entangled in their own thoughts. Mogi, Ide and Matsuda were sitting on the couch, barely lifting their eyes from the ground from time to time. L, Aizawa and Light were sitting at the computers, and even thought the latter two were pretending to work, they could get nothing done.

Rem was somewhere in the back, floating lazily and observing the others, but in fact, she was as caught up in her own mind as everybody else. It was a mixture of sadness, guilt, hate and helplessness at the fact that the one who had killed Misa was right in front of her, yet he had no power over him.

L was the only one who didn't seem too affected by the recent events. There was no change in his attitude, even if he had participated at Misa's funeral and had seen the same things that the others had. His expression was unchanged; there was no difference between his funeral face and his work face. He was always gloomy.

It was an unnamed pressure that restrained the others, though, and made them uncomfortable; people had died before, plenty of them, even Light's dad had died not much time before, but somehow, things were different now.

Misa had spent entire months among them and in a way or another, they had all grown fond of her and her childish, capricious nature. Seeing her lifeless body confined in a wood coffin had been beyond their imagination; it was such an unsuitable place for the blonde who had always been running around full of energy and influencing everybody with her contagious joy.

She'd been young and restless; she would remain young forever, but her restlessness had been replaced with cold, endless sleep.

Having Light among them made things even more stressful. They all knew, or at least thought they knew, how Light had been affected by his girlfriend's death, and they were walking on eggshells not to disturb him in any way.

They tried their best to ignore the moments when the boy interrupted any activity that he was doing at that moment and just stared nowhere in particular, maybe at a random spot on the wall, eyes devoid of any emotion.

The death of your girlfriend isn't an easy thing to cope with, after all.

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><p>The show he had to put up had been somehow entertaining at first, but in time Light had got bored of pretending. He'd had to pretend that he wasn't Kira, that he hadn't killed hundreds of people, that he was the goody-two-shoes that everyone thought he was. Pretense, pretense, pretense. He had to make as if he was working, looking for Kira, when he was in fact chasing a chimera. And now, he had to pretend he was suffering, when, in fact, all that he felt was confusion and a slight gratification for carrying out his plan succesfully.<p>

Plans have an aim, a final purpose to serve. But what was his?

'Light-kun.' Ryuzaki called.

'Yes? What is it, Ryuzaki?' The boy fixed his gaze on the detective who was staring blankly at him with his black-circled eyes.

_No wonder he can't look at somebody with a normal expression,_ Light thought_. He never keeps his damn eyes closed. He never sleeps. He doesn't even blink. If I didn't know him better, I could think he's not even…human. _

Every time Ryuzaki fixed him with his piercing gaze, Light felt…naked. Like the detective could see right through him, reach beneath his manufactured perfection and see the _real_ him. Like a shiny, fresh apple that looks appealing on the outside, but is rotten on the inside.

Ryuzaki could see Light's true colour, and even though he had a hard time admitting this to himself, Light felt scared.

It sometimes even gave him chills to even think about those black shiny eyes. It was like if he took his gaze away even for a second, the endless black pit inside them would swallow him completely. He couldn't look away.

He would continue staring back with a gaze not as merely as emotionless as Ryuzaki's. Light's chocolate brown eyes could show anger, fury, victory, they could express human emotions, but Ryuzaki's eyes showed _nothing_. Nothingness.

Just infinite darkness, and as much as Light was afraid, he wanted to reach behind that darkness to find the slightest ray of _light._

_To find himself._

' Are you sure you don't want to go home? You no longer have any obligation to remain here.' the detective said plainly.

' Yeah, Light, go and have some rest. You really need it.' Matsuda added immediately, relieved that somebody had finally broken the uncomfortable silence.

'No, I'll stay. Finding Kira is more important than any personal dramas I might go through. Thanks for your worries, guys, but I'm fine.'

'But Light, you don't look fine at all.' Mogi said. 'You look like a ghost. Go home, we won't feel your absence for a few days. We can manage stuff around here.'

'No. Leave Light-kun stay, if he wishes so.' Ryuzaki said, his eyes still glued to the boy's face.

Light returned his gaze. This time, he wouldn't lose, he wouldn't break the eye contact first. But as soon as he felt those ebony eyes piercing through him, as he felt Ryuzaki shamelessly entering the darkest and most obsolete corners of his mind, he couldn't hold back a slight shiver.

It had been enough for the detective to notice, though, and L's eyes opened even wider in surprise.

'Are you cold, Light-kun?'

'No, I'm fine.' Light gave a small, crafted laugh. He couldn't show weakness. It was, actually, rather silly. Shivering because some weirdo'd looked at him with more persistence than it was normal… how stupid, how _human_. Yet he couldn't deny L what he had just seen. 'You know, Ryuzaki, sometimes you're really intimidating people staring at them that way.' he said in a sudden burst of honesty.

'Oh. That never crossed my mind. I'm sorry.' L said, seeming genuinely surprised and regretful, then turned his eyes away from Light and started sucking on his thumb, his gaze fixed on the screens.

Light gave a small sigh of relief, this time the small slip remaining unnoticed by Ryuzaki. He continued watching the detective for a few more seconds- it was so much easier when it was one-sided- and for the first time, he found the need to stop lying even for a second.

He wanted to tell Ryuzaki just how he made him feel- even though that was something that even he alone didn't know- to breakdown, to shout, to act, to show emotion, to provoke reaction. After all, Ryuzaki was the only one who could understand him, who he could talk to without outsmarting him from the very beginning, who _knew who he was_.

And so, the only one who he could tell the truth to was the one who had the power to condemn and imprison him for that truth.

Pretending was starting to get tireing.

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><p><em>5th of November<em>

'I shall have the notebook tested and that is final.' Ryuzaki proclaimed on a low, annoyed voice.

' But Ryuzaki, that's… completely _unethical_. By having criminals kill other criminals, you're…'

'No better than Kira, yes, yes, I get it.' the detective interrupted Ide, rolling his eyes. ' But you see, I do not care. My only aim is to catch Kira and I will do what ever is necessary for it to happen.'

' The end justifies the means, isn't it so, Ryuzaki?' Light smirked.

The detective stared at Light again, but this time the boy wouldn't be intimidated. Yes, those round, black eyes had seen into him, but now it was _his_ turn; he was sure that Ryuzaki hadn't let the hidden meaning of his phrase unnoticed. _The end justifies the means_; after all, the task force members had been right. L wasn't so different from Kira…

' Yes, Light-kun, I suppose so.'

'Light, don't tell me that you agree with this.' Aizawa said angrily.

'I don't. If I could see any other way of proving that the 13-day rule is true, I would certainly share it with you, but at the moment, testing the notebook to see if the one who uses it will die in 13 days from first writing a name seems the only solution, however wrong it is.'

'But in the end, this is all done by Ryuzaki because his suspicion of you hasn't disappeared completely. You can't agree to that, Light.' Matsuda said.

'Of course he can. Unlike Kira, Light knows how to be objective.' Ryuzaki said simply, sipping on his coffee. ' If the criminal dies in 13 days, then the rule will be proven true and Light-kun will be free of any suspicion, since he didn't write anything down while he was imprisoned. If not, he'll be under suspicion again. It's something I have to make sure of. If you don't agree with this, you are free to leave the investigation. I understand that being responsible for somebody's death might be disturbing to you, but I will pursue my methods whatsoever.'

The team didn't reply; they had no way of going against L. After all, he'd never lost a case in his life, so he probably knew what he was doing.

' That's what I thought.' he continued skeptically. 'I will have the criminal write a name in the Death Note today. The name of the killer will not be made public, since in that case Kira could kill him after 13 days, making the 13-day rule seem valid even if it isn't.'

Light's eyebrows twitched into a slight frown that, fortunately, the others didn't observe.

* * *

><p>He was caught again. Trapped. With no way out. He had tried hacking into the investigation files, even into L's computer, but he had found nothing relevant. As much as it would have been useful now, Light wasn't a spy and he couldn't spend his time with his ear to the door to hear L saying the name of the criminal in one of his discussions with Watari. Although, close to despair, he had probably been capable of resorting to that, too.<p>

The remains of the past night's rain were still visible on the concrete pavement and the city air was cold and unfriendly between the high walls of the narrow city corridors. A black cat was rummaging through the scrap in one of the nearest garbage bins. Light eyed it scornfully; in that moment, he felt able to move mountains with his anger.

L had defeated him again, and this time he didn't even have to use a brilliant strategy to do so. It had been Light's stupid mistake; he had thought that the name of the criminal who would be required to use the Death Note would be made public and that he, Light, could have killed him after 13 days, proving the rule right. But obviously, he'd been wrong. L could have never been so imprudent.

In fact, it was his initial mistake that attracted all the small ones after it, like in a chain reaction. He should have killed L. He should have got rid of him when he could. Now, it was too late.

'What are you angry about now?' Ryuk grinned, floating behind Light.

Light frowned. ' I have to give up ownership of the notebook. Does that seem like a positive thing to you?'

' Everything seems positive to me as long as it's fun.'

' Ryuk… you're completely useless.'

' Yes, I've been said that before. Hehe. Anyway, I'm curious about this guy.'

' I think he's suitable to become the next Kira. His name is Teru Mikami and he's a prosecutor. He often appeared on TV, sustaining Kira feverishly. When I called him and asked him to meet me, he sounded like he'd found God or something.' Light laughed coldly.

'Ha. That's pretty much what you wanted people to treat you, right?'

'Yeah. Though he seemed a bit _too _excited, if you know what I mean.'

' Sounds interesting. This will surely be entertaining. I just hope he'll give me enough apples.' Ryuk said.

In a dark corner of the narrow city passage, a tall, long-haired man sat with his hands in the pockets of his overcoat, completing the grim appearance of the rainy town with his dark silhouette.

'God. I've been waiting for you.'

* * *

><p><em>18th of November<em>

'Fourteen days have passed since the criminal wrote a name in the Death Note.' Ryuzaki announced in the evening.

'Fourteen? But isn't eighteen minus five thirteen?' Matsuda said, looking baffled.

'Of course it is. Only that I had him use the notebook on the 4th of November, in discordance with the date that I announced, which is the 5th of November. If Kira would have come up with a way to find the murderer's name and kill him, he would have done it according to the official date, which means he would've killed him today. Even if it would have been a setup from Kira's side, I would have still known. But according to the 13- day rule, the criminal should have died yesterday. And he didn't.' L took a bite of strawberry cake after eyeing it suspiciously.

'So the rule is fake.' Mogi observed.

'It can't be!' Matsuda shouted. 'This means that Light…'

' Amazing deductive skills, Matsuda.' L noticed, finishing his cake munching. 'But yes, you are right. I'm sorry, Light-kun, but you are under suspicion again.'

The detective didn't seem sorry at all, though; it was just another one of his fake politeness samples. When L turned his head to gaze at Light, a fleeting expression rested on his face for merely a second. It looked like a haughty smirk, an almost devilish satisfaction in his black-pit eyes. But Light seemed to have been the only one to notice it; the others were too surprised at the sight of L dragging a chain behind him, one handcuff already attached to his wrist.

'When the hell did he fetch that?' Matsuda whispered to Ide.

' Light-kun, I believe you have anticipated this.' L said, handcuffing Light to him just like he had done months before.

His eyes still kept something of the provocative expression that he'd displayed before, and Light almost shivered again at the detective's gaze. Yet he managed to control himself, staring deep into the nothingness.

And so the dance began once more.


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is much shorter than I intended it to be, that's because I split the initial one into 2 parts. It was long! **

**Nothing happens, much. **

* * *

><p><em>From the fall I hold the word 'conviction'<em>

_And the thrill to the swell is in your golden touch_

_But the flesh is weak and without reason_

_So I slave to your beat and soul for all time_

**IAMX- Bring me back a dog**

* * *

><p>'Light-kun?'<p>

'Mmm.' the boy muttered in an eerie half-consciousness.

'I am hungry. Please join me to the kitchen.'

_That bastard_. Light felt a sudden wave of fury towards Ryuzaki. Always using that fake politeness of his- _'Please', like I'd have a choice._

If there was something that Light absolutely hated, it was being waken up from his slumber. He didn't actually love sleep _that_ much, he was just rigorous when it came to getting the required amount of rest every day. But with the detective chained to him, that was a real challenge.

Life had resumed its usual course after Light and Ryuzaki had been chained together again. Constantly waking up in the middle of the night because of the detective's random sweet cravings, not being able to make a single move without him noticing- it wasn't pleasant at all, but Light abided. He didn't have any choice- he had made the mistake, now he was paying for it.

Feelings of frustration and anger hadn't disappeared entirely, but Light had been trying to turn them into something constructive. A plan. And he had come up with one, rather from necessity than from being fond of his idea- or viceversa?

He decided that since Ryuzaki was the one closest to him, both literally and figuratively speaking, and since he hadn't killed him when he could have, he would have to corrupt him in order to win.

Because, just like everything else, this was a matter of win or lose.

L had strong principles, and Light knew that he couldn't attract him by his side through persuasion. Light was brilliant, but not brilliant enough to make the detective embrace the ideology of his suspect. He could never defeat him on his own territory, and their mindfields, though so much alike, would always remain essentially different.

The ultimate victory, the victory of the intelligent man, is to make his enemy take sides with him. Light wouldn't convince L to agree with Kira, but instead he would make him unable to take measures against him. He would make him incapable of despising him, incapable of treating him as rival anymore…

_He would make L fall in love with him. _

Because as much as reason kept the detective away from being led astray, someday his apparent indifference had to break down.

And then, Light would manipulate him after his wish, after Kira's wish, because, in the end, love equals power; power over the one who has feelings for you, the ability to bewilder their hearts and to distort their ration.

And L was human, after all; he surely was capable of being attached to somebody, then deluded and broken into little pieces by the same person, just like everybody else.

Even though he was hiding up above in his ivory tower, keeping the world under surveillance, Light knew that he couldn't remain secluded for eternity- and then, then he would be the one to make him fall.

* * *

><p>Light didn't open his eyes, but even being half asleep, he could feel the detective curling up between the sheets. <em>So he does sleep. Fascinating…<em> his drowsy mind communicated as Light was trying his best not to fall asleep again, even though he kept his eyes closed, so L wouldn't know that he was awake. _Although he can probably tell by the rhythm of my breathing …_

Against his will, his mind slowly slipped into unconsciousness once more right before Ryuzaki changed his sleeping position; that's when the boy woke up again. Sharing a bed with L was a real nuisance. Still, Light could feel the warmth coming from the body beside him, breaths deep and peaceful. Feeling the strange kind of rest that people experience when they wake up in the middle of the night, after a few hours of sleeping, Light became perfectly aware of his surroundings.

He hadn't missed sleeping with Ryuzaki- or, better said, sleeping in the same room where Ryuzaki was, because the detective rarely joined him- but he couldn't help but take pleasure in the warm proximity of his body, a warmth which was rather surprising in contrast with his pale white skin and his almost cadaverous look.

Sometimes it was difficult to believe that Ryuzaki even had blood flowing through his veins- hot, red, _alive_. Light had been astonished at finding out that was true in the first night when they had slept in the same bed and L's warmth had irradiated towards him, making him feel weirdly comfortable, even though he had been critical of his own stupidity later on. _How could a human being not have blood flowing through their veins?_ For a genius, he did have strange impresions sometimes.

Light had rarely slept with his parents in his childhood- he'd had his own room from a fragile age, and it was his own confined space where he spent the majority of his time. Now and then, when night terrors had their way with the young boy, he would sleep with his mother, but those were rare cases. So now, when he was sharing a bed with Ryuzaki, he enjoyed the detective's vicinity more than he intended to.

Not to mention the night, the wonderful, dark, _magical _night threw a veil of unreality over the world and the darkness allowed Light to see only what he, or his innermost self, desired to see. He was once again bewildered by his own feelings for the man laying down beside him- a concoction of hate and empathy, crowned by an inexplainable, dangerous attraction.

Light smirked to himself. The night had incontestable powers, but he wouldn't succumb to them. He was capable of much, much more than that. The night was the time of dreaming, of impossible aspirations, of abandoning reason and embracing senses, but he knew just how dangerous the darkness was.

Dreams distanced you from reality, leaving you a clockwork carcass with no connection to the world around you.

Visions of your glorious future were useless if you lacked the will to fulfill them.

Abandoning reason was the ultimate mistake, since reason alone could show you the path towards victory, and senses did nothing but create confusion and lowly desires that could end up being destructive if not stopped on time.

Yes, the night was delusional, and so were the feelings that it instilled into him. He wasn't weak enough to surrender to his wishes; he knew that he stood no chance of attracting the detective on his side by rushing things up. Even though in that moment, he wanted nothing but to feel him even closer, to _have_ him as close as he could- keep your friends close and your enemies closer, they say; well, it was literal this time…

But things didn't work out unless they were carefully planned. In the dark room, staring into nothingness, his thoughts and feelings appeared clear to him: what he felt for the detective was pure desire. The confusion from the past couple of weeks, the strange decisions, Misa's death as an exchange for his life: they had all been consequences of the irrational attraction that had taken hold of him.

He often found himself staring at the detective while they were working, feeling the need to notice his every move and capture the beauty in each one of them. Because yes, he thought Ryuzaki was beautiful- in his own weird, dark, unearthly way that made him even more desirable. He hadn't been aware of his feelings until that moment, but somehow, feeling him so close lifted the mask off his unnamed feelings.

Attraction- that was it.

And even though Kira despised rapists, people who acted on sole instinct, _animals,_ he imagined that in the heat of the moment, nothing feels out of place, immoral or wrong. It was only the present time, the adrenalin, the feeling of being alive that mattered for them.

He would eventually give in to the feeling. He knew he would, because he knew he would have to. But then, that night, sharing his bed with his enemy and also closest friend- as close as somebody could ever get to L, mentally speaking- he could only allow himself to get even closer.

Truth was, he was dying to see how Ryuzaki would react.

Light squirmed nervously under the sheets, as if he was having a bad dream, and moved sideways until his body was only a few inches away from Ryuzaki's; the detective wasn't asleep, as he backed away in the moment when he felt the dangerous proximity. Tossing even more, Light forced the detective to move until he was almost on the edge of the bed, only a few centimetres holding him from falling off.

Light couldn't allow to open his eyes and decipher Ryuzaki's facial expression through the darkness, as much as he would have liked to, because he didn't want the detective to realise that he wasn't actually sleeping.

'Misa…' Light murmured, trying to sound natural, then he made a few more incomprehensible sounds which Ryuzaki would hopefully take as sleeptalking.

Now even closer to him, Light could feel the warmth radiating from his skin. Still, the detective's entire body had stiffened at the anticipation of the contact- Light had noticed that Ryuzaki rarely _touched_ anyone- and his breathing was fast and seemed unnatural, as if he was… _scared?_

Light had to hold back a smile. It was a great feeling, knowing that the one who seemed completely untouchable, always observing things from his tower, could become so nervous from a common thing such as physical contact. L _was_ human, after all.

Compressing the distance between them, Light took a fistful of Ryuzaki's shirt in his hands, clutching to it as if he found himself in terrible danger.

A nightmare, maybe? An incubus- or was Light the incubus himself?

He pressed his cheek against the hot skin from the detective's neck, feeling the curve of his chin a few inches away from his lips. Ryuzaki was warm, he was comfortable to be close to despite his slim, bony figure and his scarce breathing tempted Light to believe that the detective was enjoying the proximity as much as he was- even though , yet again, it might have only been an illusion provoked by the darknes. If he lifted his head up just a little, if he found Ryuzaki's lips and then…

'Light-kun, please get away from me.' the detective groaned all of a sudden, his voice low, tense and ravenous.

Light slipped out of his one-sided pleasure and lazily opened his eyes.

'What?' he said on a sleepy voice. 'Oh.' He pretended as if he'd just noticed that he and Ryuzaki were almost hugging and he abruptly let go of the detective's shirt, backing away. 'I'm sorry, I was sleeping.'

'I'm sure you were, Light-kun.' Ryuzaki said on a lower voice, his body relaxing after the catalyst had been removed, but his tone still poisonous.

'I was having a dream…' Light said, leaving the end of the sentence in the air as to shield himself from the detective's anger.

'What dream, may I ask?'

'I… it doesn't matter. I apologize for, umm…what happened. Let's go back to sleep.'

'Yes.' Ryuzaki answered on a gloomy voice, anger being replaced by a subtle annoyance. Light could hear him shifting his position and turning away from him.

Still feeling the urge to touch the man beside him, to feel his burning skin against his, Light took a deep breath and tried to slip out of it. It hadn't been as if he didn't suspect he would be rejected, after all… but getting rid of desire wasn't an easy job.

The simplest thing to do would have been to go to the bathroom and take care of things by himself, but something told Light that the detective would have been at least suspicious of his reasons. And he would never, ever show any signs of weakness towards him.

He wouldn't be enchained by things as simple and raw as lust, not to mention _love_, unless he could use them to reach his goal.

And that night, he'd managed to make a step forward into entering Ryuzaki's personal space- invading it, actually- and he would continue doing so, getting closer and closer, leading the detective astray until…

Until he'd be all his, as an enemy _and _as a lover.

Light smiled as he finally drifted to sleep, the night still young and the illusion of being able to carry out his plan still clear and defined.

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, I know it's a looot of inner monologue and all that, but I can't write any other way. I love reading simple, lovely stories, or simple, lovely <em>and<em> profound stories, but I... just... can't write them. Ideas fail me. *deepest regrets, and eternal love if you're still reading this***


	5. Chapter 5

**Voila, longer chapter to compensate the fact that it will probably take a while until I'll write the next one. **

* * *

><p><em>Stole my patience, stole my bribe<br>Snatched the rhythm from my stride  
>Kicked my certainty up the middle<br>Knocked the wind out of my romantic side _

* * *

><p><em>Void; everything was void, everything was nothing; more than that, it was the absence of nothing. He lied down. He didn't know why he was there, if he was there, and he felt like grasping the concepts of 'down' and 'lie' in that nothingness juto feel real, just to know that something made sense. But nothing did.<em>

_He opened his eyes and he could only see darkness, the swift shadows of unknown creatures moving around him like hollow ghosts. He couldn't move, and when he tried to scream, there was no sound._

_Suddenly, claustrophobia took hold of him. Four walls had closed in, secluding him in the empty room that they had created. The shadows no longer there to haunt him with their inconsistency and he could only see two black orbs staring at him in the darkness, no, the eyes were the darkness and they surrounded Light with all their power, narrowing the walls down until there was only room for a single body. Tossing and turning, but with no result, Light could feel the piercing gaze of the darkness staring into him from somewhere on the front wall, no, from everywhere around him, ominous and omnipresent, sending shivers down his spine and playing with his mind._

_A voice, raucous and distorted, came from up above the one-man prison in a low, dilatory tone, violating Light's ears and twisting his mind until he could no longer think straight._

**_Kira, you lose._**

_A jet eye came closer and closer, until in occupied Light's entire visual field. Its surface was dark and shiny and it gave off the impression of a calculated, cold distance._

**_You lost… Light._**

_Just like a mirror. Light had no choice but to look into it, in expectation that he would find himself in the reflecting surface, but…_

_The mirror only showed his enemy. L, looking at him with contempt from somewhere above, inside his own coal black eye which acted like a mirror between two worlds that were essentially the same. On one side of the mirror, there was Light, on the other side, there was dark. Antithetic concepts, yet the mirror didn't agree and it showed light as a mere reflection of the dark, Light as a reflection of Ryuzaki, and it projected L on the other side of the mirror in which Kira was looking._

**_They say mirrors never lie._**

_Though he woke up having no recollection of the dream, that night, Light had known that he'd already been defeated._

* * *

><p><em>Hopes and wishes set aflame <em>  
><em>What's your purpose here, whatcha hope to gain? <em>  
><em>Took my dignity, took my dignity <em>  
><em>Burned a lover so earned an enemy <em>

**Puscifer- Toma**

* * *

><p>Even though it was small, the kitchen was equipped with all things necessary and it managed to keep an airy look despite the limited amount of space. There were more of these kitchens around the headquarters, which is why they usually shared them in pairs: one for Matsuda and Ide, one for Mogi and Aizawa and one for L and Light.<p>

Light didn't know why, but he somehow welcomed the routine- maybe because he really enjoyed being chained to the detective 24/7 and researching information on himself, maybe because he was just denying the feelings of frustration that he felt towards himself. It was mostly the same as it'd been with school: wake up, eat, study/work, sleep, but the difference was that school was boring.

There, he had nobody to keep his interest alive. He could easily rise up to all school requirements and he found most of his colleagues' discussions tedious.

L, however, was never boring. Annoying, maybe. Complicated, childish, puzzling, mysterious- the detective having the traits of the cases he solves- definitely, but Light could never get enough of their elusive discussions which led them to untold deductions, both of them playing a game that the other knew he was playing, and willing to accept all the rules. Living with L was anything but boring.

Even pretending had its fun part with him. And even though he was supposed to be Light's enemy- and he was- Light knew that the circumstances were the ones that had led them into assuming these positions. As long as Kira and L weren't implied, Light and Ryuzaki could be _anything._

But Kira and L were _always _implied, and the two young men couldn't dissolve their identities into believing they were only average human beings, able to have friends and care and love just like everybody else.

L opened the fridge and helped himself with a slice of strawberry cheesecake and a plate of rice pudding. Light didn't have a sweet tooth, and sometimes he couldn't help being baffled by the quantity of sweets that the detective consumed, but he understood.

Just as a good night's sleep was hid requirement to function properly the entire day, L's was a considerable amount of sweet foods. Sleep is an invaluable source of energy, and it has to be replaced with something, after all, since the detective's favourite activities didn't include it on a daily basis.

'Do you want some of these, Light-kun?' he asked monotonely, holding the two plates in front of him.

Light flinched. 'No. I think I'll have _food_ for breakfast, thanks.'

The sight of cake and pudding first time in the morning almost sickened him. He picked up some eggs and bacon and started cooking- something which, incidentally, he was pretty good at.

Ryuzaki was standing crouched on his chair, eating the rice pudding and saving the best- the strawberry cake, that is- for last.

'Light-kun knows how to cook.' he observed, a slight note of admiration attached to his voice.

'It's no big deal, anybody could do that.' the boy said on his usual jovial tone while breaking the eggs. 'I picked it up at home.' he added. 'My mom was busy sometimes and I had to help.'

There he was again, having a good old English breakfast with his nemesis. Sometimes he wanted to punch the cinematic moments of life right in the face.

'Mm, I see.' Ryuzaki replied while throwing a strawberry in his open mouth with a noteworthy gesture.

Light was relieved that he had returned to his usual neutral voice, in contract with his voice from the past night. The detective usually acted childish, but that ravenous, firm voice that he'd used to order Light to get away from him had suddenly made him seem his age, and the one with the authority.

Light wasn't afraid of what Ryuzaki could do to him if he made him angry, but of what he would become: the mature, super brilliant man who had solved hundreds of cases, outsmarting the world's most skilled criminals. He would become _L_. And Light preferred Ryuzaki over L, even though…

It was the mixture between them that made him attracted to the strange man. Ryuzaki's apparent naivity, his unusual habits, his weird sitting position, his cake addiction, his antisocial behaviour. L's insight, his mad intelligence level, his deduction skills, his ability to hide his true self from everybody else, his cynicism, his determination to achieve his aim.

(Still, Light didn't agree to the reasons behind L's ambition- he was a detective just because he enjoyed solving cases, not for a noble purpose, and that was what made the difference between him and Kira; what separated them as well as what brought them together)

That morning, he still felt the echoes pf his nighttime attempts in the air, but they were carefully dissimulated behind their perfect fake selves. While eating his breakfast, he couldn't help throwing fleeting looks towards the man standing at the other end of the table, noticing his every move, his every feature. He found himself reliving the moments when he'd been so close to him, losing himself in the reverie and wishing to minimize the distance between them again… but then he realised what exactly he was thinking of and he scowled at himself, snapping out of it.

He knew he had to win L at a mental level before being able to get close to him physically, or…

Maybe physically would be the only way in which he could ever win L, because the detective would never reveal his true thoughts and intentions. Not even to him, who, of them all, understood.

And even if he would, then Light wasn't sure he wanted to know, because it would all go along the lines of 'You're Kira, Light-kun.'

And he already knew that.

'Light-kun, is there something wrong with the food?'

'What? Oh, no, it's just fine. Why are you asking?' Light shook the frown off his face.

'It seemed so, because you were frowning just a few seconds before.' Ryuzaki said, taking another bite from the cake.

Light wondered exactly how often did the detective spy on him. How many of his victorious smirks had been noticed by L and used to raise the percentage of him being Kira a few digits up? Could he have no privacy at all? Not only was he handcuffed to an intrusive, indiscreet bastard, but he also had to feel that dark-daggered gaze resting on his face and noticing the slightest changes in his expression almost 24/7, those black eyes observing him without even trying to hide it from curtoasy…

'No, I was just… thinking.' he replied, playing with the food in his plate.

'What exactly were you thinking of?' Ryuzaki asked, curiosity painted on his face.

'I was thinking of Misa.' Light frowned again. 'It was agreed that she killed herself', he continued with difficulty, 'but I very much doubt it.'

'Yes. I know that.' Ryuzaki answered plainly, taking the last bite of cake.

The short answer surprised the boy, as Ryuzaki usually asked him questions about his ideas and about Kira to the point of exasperation. When they had been handcuffed before, they'd went through endless discussions in which L tried to catch Light making a slip that could raise the percentage of him being Kira, or in which he simply made his best to annoy the hell out of the teen by putting him in hypothetical situations and making him go through them as if they were real.

Light'd had no recollection of being Kira at that time, and he had been honest all the way through- honest in his descriptions, in his answers and in his anger on the detective when he brought him on the verge of madness. But now he knew- and somehow he missed the old, careless times, when he didn't have to worry about whom to kill next or how to defeat L.

Now, there was an unusual silence for the two of them. They had both finished eating and they were simply facing each other, the chain unfolding between them.

'Light-kun?' L asked, his gaze wandering around the room, avoiding Light's.

'Yes, Ryuzaki?'

'Are you Kira?'

Light froze.

The detective had never asked him something so directly, so sincerely- no games, no pretending, no traps set- and now that he had, Light was wondering what his reaction should be. What was the other man expecting? _He already knew the truth. _Did he expect a confession? or did he know that he'd receive a lie even before asking the question, which is why…

His eyes still avoided the boy, maybe as to let Light go on with his lies undisturbed by the piercing gaze that could see beyond them.

'Are we starting this again, Ryuzaki?' he said, trying to seem amused. 'Of course I'm not Kira. Even if I were, isn't your question useless? Kira would never confess if somebody simply came up to him and asked him directly.'

'I wasn't expecting a confession.' L said calmly, this time looking Light right in the eye.

'Then… why did you ask?_' Those eyes again, they remember me of something, but I have no idea what it is._

The detective sighed. 'You already know, Light-kun. Just as I already know… that you are Kira.'

This time Light's expression stiffened, and he gazed deep into L's eyes with a fixed determination. The detective's eyes showed nothing of the past day's malice and venom; they suddenly became _human, _filled with a resignation that was uncharacteristic to him and that made him look fragile, lost, almost pitiful.

'I already told you, Ryuzaki. I am NOT Kira.' Light protested, trying to ignore the detective's newly-born apparent weakness.

'Here we go again…' L rolled his eyes lazily. 'Light-kun, do you trust my judgements as L?'

'Yes, of course I do.' Light answered, already knowing where the detective was going.

'We have established that Kira lives in the Kanto region of Japan, the region where you have your domicile. You have said yourself that Kira is most likely a teenager whose ideals pushed him to clear the world of unjustice, something that, Light-kun, you would also be prone to. You have been one of the suspects who have been imprisoned, and now that the 13-day rule proved to be fake, you are under confinement again. And most of all, Kira is very intelligent. Intelligent enough to shield himself by not leaving any evidence behind and intelligent enough for me to be unable to catch him. The only person I have knowledge of who's smart enough to do that that, Light-kun, is you.'

'A considerable number of coincidences, indeed. But it's not enough to prove that I'm Kira, Ryuzaki, and you know that.'

' Yes, I know that my reasons are not sustained by clear evidence. I also know that I have no way of making you confess. My inquiry has been so overt because I simply wanted to observe your reaction and to put you in difficulty. But I knew you would not be sincere.' L started sucking on his thumb while his features displayed a sulky, hopeless expression.

'Don't tell me you're being depressed again.' Light tried.

'Actually, I am. The situation is rather unfortunate, don't you think so?'

'No. It were unfortunate if I were Kira, but it happens that I'm not.' Light eyed the detective angrily, his tone harsh and inconciliable.

'You were believable when you had lost your memory of being Kira, Light-kun, because you were honest. It does not make sense to keep denying the truth in the same way, since your personality has suffered a change since you were first imprisoned. Not to trick _me_.'

'I am not using any strategy, Ryuzaki. I'm telling the truth!' Light shouted. 'If I were Kira, would I be standing here next to you? Wouldn't I be busy writing names in the notebook? Which is something I obviously don't do! You'd have noticed!'

' You could have easily found someone else to carry the job out for you. That is not a problem.' L said on a neutral tone that opposed Light's anger and impatience.

'I am not Kira.' Light said finally, calming down.

'Yes, yes, that is correct.' the detective said on a low, melodious voice, as if he wanted to reconcile a capricious child by telling him that he was right- even though he wasn't. 'Do you know why I never talked to you openly, Light-kun? Why I always kept the conversation at a formal level?'

'…'

_Because you're an antisocial weirdo with Asperger syndrome tendencies?_

'Because I knew you would lie. I didn't want to force you to tell lies that went on a deeper level than that of daily chit-chat, like I have just done now. I have made you lie that you are not Kira, even though both of us know that is incorect. That was rather impolite of me. I know how it feels for every word to be a complete lie, Light-kun. It's… uncomfortable.' he stated simply. 'I apologise for my previous question.' L said, his tone still neutral, yet with a slight trace of sadness attached to it.

Light stood up from his chair, his fists clenched.

He couldn't stand it- that abstard, exposing the truth that they had both wordlessly agreed to keep hidden in themselves without letting it transpire to their conversations. He'd had no right of throwing it in Light's face, as if he didn't know already, _as if he could do anything to change it. _Their lies were their only truth, and they were easier to accept if they were kept closed somewhere far from the shallow appearances. Light could lie if L lied too, but he couldn't afford to tell the truth- his identity as Kira- if L was being sincere. After all, that bastard had nothing to hide, did he? And he had been sincere- it was unforgivable.

'You're wrong about me, Ryuzaki. You don't know how wrong you are.' Light hissed, getting closer to the detective who had stood up as well, ready to respond to any attack that Light would have unleashed.

'Then prove me wrong, Light-kun.' he said, an innocent, yet sad smile appearing on his face.

But Light knew just how far from innocent L was.

He felt hatred towards the man in front of him because he had crossed the line- he had dared to tell the truth, once in his life- yet the fascination grew stronger. Once given a small part of the truth, Light found himself wanting more, wishing to find out everything that there was to find out about L, Ryuzaki, Ryuuga or who the hell was he, breaking the walls that he had secluded himself in. It was a strange combination of fury and desire, and as much as Light despised these feelings, he did nothing but abandon himself to them.

He stopped in front of the detective, the two of them only a few inches away from each other. This time, L didn't back off. He stood still, eyes devoid of any expression, once again unreadable to the boy whose brown eyes sent waves of emotion. Light took a deep breath- L's skin was yet again so close to his- but the eyes, his eyes, he couldn't tell what lied beneath them.

It could have been anything- tiny monsters ready to attack, spirits able to set entire cities on fire, or…

A child, waiting to be saved from the flames.

A child? _L? _Surely he had been very young and powerless once upon a time, but things had changed. The man standing in front of him was anything but a child, despite his appearance and attitude.

The hidden places from his mind were far from childish. They were black, they were breathing darkness… They _were_ the dark. L was the darkness.

And he only reflected Light.

The boy drew his head near to L's until he could notice the texture of his pale white skin and follow the dark lines beneath his eyes. Finally, there was an emotion- a slight trace of cautiousness on L's face, caused by the proximity to the young man. But it was not a weak cautiousness and it didn't betray fear or insecurity. It was solely a detective's prudence when faced with his number one suspect.

Light wanted to change that, to make L _feel_, and what was more, display his feelings. Because Light knew the detective _had_ feelings. It was only that he had chosen, or had developped a self-preservation system that made him hide them from the others.

But there had to be something behind his mask. Didn't it? Or maybe Light was just delusional and applied to others the principle that he knew that applied to him- that there was more to know than he let show… Maybe L didn't feel anything at all.

He ran his long fingers on L's cheek- flawless, white, this time _cold_ skin- and even though the detective had flinched at the touch, he did nothing to stop Light from running his hands along his face and through his hair- he just stared into the boy's eyes, the cautiousness from before replaced by the same void that Light could do nothing to read into.

Light was fascinated by L's complexion, by his frail structure that he had never got the opportunity to closely observe before. He ran his fingers down his neck with maximized prudence, as if he was afraid to hurt the detective- did he turn into Ryuzaki, with his strange habits of holding things by hanging them rather than by clutching them?- and his previous anger slowly dissolved into curiosity; fascination mixed with desire.

He looked into his eyes just to find something, _anything_, their lips only centimetres away. He ran his thumb along the L's upper lip, thinking of how it would feel if…

'I know what you are thinking of, Light-kun.' the detective snapped, still not doing anything to escape from under Light's hands, still not showing any signs of emotion. 'I always do. And it won't work.'

'Do you really?' Light smirked, then launched himself into attacking not L's lips, how the detective had probably expected, but his neck- he already knew from the night before that he was sensitive there. Taken by surprise, L let out a small groan and clutched tightly at Light's arms as the boy's tongue was exploring his skin, lips moving at a perfect pace-

To Light's surprise, the detective let his head back as to expose his neck even more. He would've never thought that L would have reacted to him, at least not at his first attempt, but he didn't mind, he didn't mind at all. He kissed L's neck feverishly while taking delight in his reactions- even if his body was still unresponsive and his hands clutching to Light's, like in a half-gesture of keeping him away, the simple fact that he didn't kick the boy off him meant that he was enjoying it, or so Light thought.

He slowly ascended until he found the detective's chin, running his lips along it; he noticed that L had his eyes closed, his expression still unchanged. Actually, he looked as if he were asleep, enchained by an invisible force that stopped him from moving. Like a porcelain figure: perfect, cold, beautiful. L _was _beautiful, especially in those moments. Just like an unearthly creature whose place wasn't among mortals, a stranger that rarely found moments when he truly _belonged_ somewhere. He did belong there and then, though; in his one moment of weakness, paralysed under Light's lips, he truly belonged. He was _human._

'Light-kun' he said on a weak voice, as the boy's lips had almost met his own. His body had relaxed again and his hands weren't clutching to the fabric of Light's shirt anymore; it was something new, something like a mutual understanding between them, a strange kind of reconciliation that put Light at ease and made him feel like he was even closer to his goal, to _L_.

'Yes?' he breathed against L's lips.

As a response, the detective pushed him away with all the power gathered in his small body- a strength much more impressive than it seemed, as Light had the opportunity to notice before, on his own skin- almost sending him into the wall.

'Don't _ever_ do that again.' he said with a ravenous look on his face, eyeing Light with a gaze that wasn't inexpressive anymore; it was full of fury, annoyance, anger-

Light snapped out of his initial surprise and a full smirk bloomed on his lips.

He stared at L victoriously, his black eyes no longer having any power over him, because they had shown _emotion._

Despite having been rejected and kicked into a wall, Light found himself feeling a wave of content.

He had made L react.

* * *

><p><strong>Bah, I'd wanted more stuff to happen in this chapter, really. Everything's so.. dilatory. (yes, I'm criticising my own writing instead of letting others do it, hehe.) But it was already long enough, and my writing mood dropped down to 0.<strong>

**Can you people write anytime, anywhere? Like 'I have to finish that chapter, I'll just sit at the computer until I'm done'? Is it even possible? Because so many of you update so often and write so, so much. Tell me your secrets. *uses incantation***


	6. Chapter 6

**I know I said next chapter will take more time, but meanwhile I started feeling like writing again. I can't stop acting dialogues between these two in my head, so I have to write them down.**

**A big thank you to everyone who reviewed/alerted/faved. I really got caught up in writing this story and I'm glad there are some of you out there who care about it. :3**

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><p><em>I <em>see <em>that <em>you've <em>come <em>to <em>resist <em>me<em>_______

_I'm __a __pitbull __in __time_

_The __pretence __is __not __what __restricts __me_

_It's __the __circles __inside_

**Interp****ol-****Take ****you ****on ****a ****cruise**

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><p>It doesn't feel too nice to have a misunderstanding with somebody that you're chained to all day (and night, for that matter) long. Usually, when people fight, all they want is to be as far from each other as possible.<p>

For L and Light, 'as far as possible' meant as much as 3 metres.

Even though what had happened could hardly be called a fight, it had certainly been _something _to make L more bitter and distant towards the younger boy. Light was aware of it, and even though it was uncomfortable, he couldn't hold back a trace of self-satisfaction at the idea that he had made his enemy lower his guard so easily…

And he wondered why. Why, why, why. Why would L allow somebody, especially Light, invade his personal space? He was always reasonable. His self-control was infallible.

Unless, of course, he had wanted to act the way he did, to seem vulnerable. But Light could barely imagine the best detective in the world lowering himself to showing human weakness just to… what? Play a part? Trick Light? Impress?

That didn't sound like L at all, and the look in his eyes when he pushed Light away had been something that not even the best actor could have faked.

Light reached the conclusion that what ever he had felt, it had been genuine. So was his attitude towards the boy during the rest of the day. He didn't address him except for the required work interaction. He deliberately ignored him. Light understood, and didn't say a word.

As far as he knew L, the detective was cutting him dead because he had dared to reach behind his glass wall. L had been caught red-handed showing feelings, and he couldn't forgive Light for witnessing, and more than that, having provoked their display.

Still, it could have been something else, something new, something wonderful and troublesome such as attraction. But as much as the thought lingered around in his mind recklessly, Light knew nothing was certain with L.

After all, he was a natural born liar- just as himself.

And, typical for somebody who hates to lose, L's policy was 'an eye for an eye'. Light expected the detective to pay him back for what he'd done, but his strategy took him by surprise nevertheless. He expected L to take some kind of revenge- but not _this_ kind of revenge.

While he was getting ready to take a shower, with L waiting outside the door as usual, no words exchanged between them as the rest of the task force had went to sleep, Light sensed movement behind him. With his back at the door, he could hear the sound of the chain jiggling somewhere in the room and, in a fraction of a second, he turned around- only to find the detective's lips attacking his in a violent kiss.

Light froze. He simply stood dumbfounded while L pressed his palms against the back of his neck, stopping him from backing away. Not that he would have done it, anyway, but the gesture was meant to make Light feel dominated, and give L the upper hand.

There was no tenderness and no trace of affection. The kiss was full of rage and dominion, as if L wanted to have Light all to himself, to do as he pleases with- to enslave him, to break him. To enchain him once again.

Baffled and confused, his brain couldn't function well anymore. What exactly was this? Why did L kiss him?

(_And_ _most of all, why was he acting like a lovestruck maiden at her first kiss?_

Because maybe it really was Light's first kiss, at least with someone who was worth it.)

He started moving his lips in synchronisation with the detective's, abandoning himself into the sensation. He responded with the same vehemence- after all, it was his enemy that he was kissing. And enemies are worth more than friends, aren't they?

Their kiss grew more and more intense, and seeing that Light was no longer passive, L regained control of the situation again by shoving the boy into the nearest wall, leaning against him with all his body weight as if he wanted to crush him. L forcefully grabbed a fistful of his hair and Light could feel the detective's tongue meeting his as he plunged deeper into the kiss with a passion that he didn't think him capable of.

It was a fight for supremacy more than a display of feelings. There were no altruistic emotions involved, just their very lust and desire to win.

Hardly breathing, Light eventually managed to switch positions with the detective, pinning him against the wall. Their lips separated, and he could feel L struggling to escape from his clutch, but Light was stronger and better trained. He pushed L against the wall as hard as he could, their eyes at the same level; L's gaze fierce and defying, Light's angry and victorious.

'What are you going to do, Light-kun?' L asked, a small smile blooming on his lips. Even so, being the controlled and not the controlling, he still had the air of one who pulled all the strings.

The one who would eventually win.

Fueled by the detective's annoying calm, Light kissed him again with the same determination and L riposted, not allowing the younger man gain control.

Surprisingly, he was skilled. He was what Light would call a good kisser. An incredible one, for that matter. Or was it only their unique chemistry, a blend of lust, empathy and rivalry that made their kiss so enthralling, a bound so twisted that it could make even the most inexperienced kisser gain instant skill?

No. He was genuinely good at it. The contrast between the day-by-day passive L and _this_ L: fierce and dominant, doing his best to win even in such a tricky game as attraction, was such a precious revelation that Light was tempted to yield to the detective's control just for the sake of it. A fleeting moment of hesitation and he was the one pinned against the wall again.

'You… seem to be enjoying this…_Kira'_, L whispered between breaths.

Light threw him a venomous look, but he couldn't mobilise his spite and anger as to defeat the sudden desire that made him grab L's hair, making the detective wince in pain, and join their mouths together again. L didn't protest, but he didn't give in either.

With every move and pull and bite, he accused him.

Of being Kira. Of having caught him off-guard.

Of trying to make him lose.

The boy gladly accepted the accusations, but he regretted nothing.

He let go of L's hair when he saw that holding him was no longer necessary, and slipped one hand beneath his shirt instead, making L shiver when his skin encountered the boy's cold fingers.

The detective suddenly broke the kiss, watching Light in the eye with a firm expression.

'No, Light-kun.'

'Says who?' Light smirked and ran his fingers higher on L's chest while slowly kissing his neck. The detective hissed angrily, then pushed Light off him with all the power gathered in his small arms. The chain soundly jiggled between them and they stood facing each other, breathing heavily, resembling two wolves ready to attack.

'You thought you could manipulate me by finding my weak points and taking advantage of them. You thought I couldn't resist you. You were wrong.' L affirmed coldly after regaining his breath.

'If I was wrong', Light smirked, still looking ravished, 'then what do you have to say for yourself about how you reacted this morning? You didn't seem to be too disturbed by my being stuck to your neck.'

'Weakness, as I said.' L affirmed simply, as if he was ascertaining a mathematical fact. 'I am human, after all. But I will never show that kind of weakness to you again, Light-kun.'

'Because you're afraid of showing weakness.'

'Aren't we all? L made a few steps forward, minimizing the distance that he had created himself a few seconds before. 'For example, aren't _you_ afraid to admit… _that you're attracted to me_?'

'Never', Light hissed between his teeth, as to indicate the repulsion that the idea instilled in him.

L smiled knowingly.

'That, my friend, was a lie.'

'How would _you_ know that? Since when have you become an expert in these kinds of things, _Ryuzaki_?' Light spat out mockingly.

Truth was, he had been taken aback by L's initiative and strong reactions during their kiss. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to know how to survive through such a kiss; he was _L_, for Christ's sake. He was socially awkward and he had no friends, therefore it was only natural to jump to the conclusion that he had no idea about kisses and romance and all that.

Light thought he'd be the one in control, the one to make the detective discover that he could feel, too, and that he could express what ever lay beneath those obsidian eyes. But it seemed like he didn't need to do anything. L wasn't a puppet whose strings he could pull as he liked, not even when it came to romantic encounters. Light had underestimated him again.

And even if he'd enjoyed being the dominated one even just for a second, Light still wanted to see L defenseless and completely vulnerable in front of him, like he had been in that morning. Gaining control over the one who imprisoned him had been priceless.

'You know nothing about me, so I believe that making such kind of observations is irrelevant. I could know much more about romantic feelings and attraction than you think I do… or much less. Either way, there is no way _you_ could know.' L replied icily.

'Then tell me', Light blurted out before he could think. L widened his eyes in surprise.

'Do you mean it, Light-kun? Why would you want to find out details of my past? To make me easier to manipulate, perhaps?'

'Cut it off. I'm just curious.', Light said, glowering and avoiding the detective's gaze.

'Well, if curiosity is what motivates you, I suppose I could tell you. It happens that the one I was once… romantically involved, so to say, is somebody well-known to Kira.' He eyed Light suspiciously.

Light searched through his mind frantically. Misa? He had been in love with _Misa_?

'I have no idea who you're talking about, Ry…_L_.'

'Of course you don't.' L said formally. 'It's not like _you_ are Kira, is it, Light-kun? Because if _you _were Kira, you would know about a woman named Naomi Misora who had worked with me at a case a few years ago. But since then, many other events took place. We separated, she got married, and then _you _killed her. Of course, this is pure assumption.' he said on a neutral tone.

'I'm sorry', Light said instinctively, remembering how he had tricked the woman into believing he was working for the police, then cold-bloodedly killed her.

Now that he found out the truth, Light did feel sorry for L. He felt no trace of remorse for having killed Misora, but he realized that seeing her marry someone else must have been painful for L.

Maybe it was better for the detective that she was dead.

'No, you're not. Don't fake emotion, Light-kun. It's degrading. '

'I'm sorry', Light said again.

'I don't hate Kira for having killed her.' the detective continued, ignoring the boy. 'His way of thinking and acting is similar to mine. I, too, use any strategy that is necessary to reach my goal. I understand that Kira killed Naomi simply because she was standing in his way; I would have done the same thing, were I him. How unfortunate.' he sulked. 'It's a good thing that Kira had no knowledge of our relationship before, though, don't you think so? He would have probably killed her earlier, had he known.'

L was right. Light would have killed Misora just for the sake of hurting L. It would have been a great satisfaction.

Now, the moment consumed, there was no satisfaction left to feel. Light only felt a trace of compassion for the detective, seeing how he concealed his feelings under a cold mask. Because he had noticed them; he read sorrow and a strange kind of acceptance of his ex-lover's death in L's usually unreadable eyes. Their darkness had disappeared for a fleeting moment, emotion taking its place and suddenly making L seem weak.

He had said that he would never show weakness in front of Light again; no, he had said that he'd never show _that_ kind of weakness, but this was different.

'Thank you for sharing this with me.' Light said in a sullen voice, looking away.

'Are you happy now, Kira?' L asked with a weak smile.

'Do I look happy, L?'

The detective didn't answer the rhetorical question, but instead approached Light morosely and attentively started unbuttoning his white shirt, looking serious.

'What the heck are you doing?' Light demanded, but he did nothing to stop him. Somehow, he _wanted_ him not to stop.

'I am unbuttoning your shirt.' L stated plainly.

'I noticed that. But _why_ are you doing it?'

'Oh, it's just something I always wanted to do. Not necessarily to you.' , he added. 'Don't worry, Light-kun, it's an entirely non-erotic gesture, and you would have done it yourself while preparing to shower, anyway. I am merely helping.'

'Weirdo.' Light said, annoyed. He didn't look as the detective unbuttoned the rest of his shirt, then he felt his hands sliding the cloth down his shoulders.

'I can handle this on my own, thanks.' Light snapped and backed away. 'Now, go.'

'Indeed.' L mumbled, looking weary, then he walked out the door, leaving a half-undressed, baffled Light standing in the middle of the bathroom.

Light could swear that the bastard was doing it on purpose.

He undressed and let the hot water run down on his skin, trying not to think of anything. But thoughts invaded the small place between his temples, and they didn't want to stop. He could almost recognize a trace of feeling being born inside him. Some kind of affection for the detective, blooming in the middle of a bouquet of intense, passionate and almost destructive emotions that made up Light's soul. Something unaltered and pure, going beyond Kira and L and rivalry and desire. Something that made him suddenly feel _human_.

He frowned at the thought. He had established it was desire, not affection, and not by any means _love_. But just to make sure things wouldn't slip out of control… he would use plan B.

* * *

><p><em>Tomorrow, 10AM.<em>

Light clicked the 'send' button and the no-subject message was on its way to the destination.

He had instructed Mikami what to do when he would receive such kind of an e-mail, and the man had accepted without any second thoughts. Now that he thought about it, Light realised that Mikami was even more useful than Misa had been. His obsessed, strategic, yet submissive personality had dissolved all his lifetime ideals into Kira's, and from the moment when he'd received the notebook, the man had turned into the criminal he worshipped.

Light knew, because after L had imprisoned him again, Kira's judgements hadn't stopped. (But, of course, that hadn't been enough for _him_, for that bastard of a detective who was impossible to trick)

Light had started wondering if L would ever let him go. Making the detective fall for him seemed to be more difficult than he had thought, even though it wasn't impossible. The boy felt like he was going nowhere, though- for the first time, seeing how his strategies were worn out and his determination shadowed by the strange, panda-like creature at the other end of the chain that stuck them together.

But he wouldn't give up. He would never give up. Was it such a sin, to wish for two things at the same time? Was it that bad to want to be Kira while keeping L alive?

No. But it was frustrating, and since Light had felt that shadow of a feeling for him, he'd started to grow more and more confused. He talked to the detective as little as possible, wearing a mask of indifference around others and spite when they were alone, and the other man complied. It probably was what he'd wanted, too, when kissing Light: to shut him up and to boycott any plan that the boy might have had.

But as things stagnated and the two of them grew more and more apathetic because of the unsolvable situation, Light realised that he had no choice left.

He messaged Mikami, knowing that the next day at 10AM, L- and therefore, him too- had to travel in another part of the town to deal with a smaller case. It was insignificant in contrast with the Kira case, but L had his whims, and when he decided that a case was worth solving, well, then it just had to be solved.

He had instructed Mikami to trade for the Shinigami eyes when he would receive his message, but having observed the man's fanaticism and insane dedication to Kira's cause, Light thought that he'd probably done it even without his order.

Now, all he had to do was pretend he was a normal citizen walking around town- with a distinct destination, though, in case somebody was following him- and see L and Light entering the limousine. _See L's true name_.

It was a piece of cake. Nothing could go wrong.

It was so easy that Light even felt stupid for resorting to it.

* * *

><p>'Hello?'<p>

'God. It's me.'

Light smiled, and prepared to put up an act so that the rest of the crew, who were now all paying close attention to him and awaiting news on the identity of the caller, wouldn't be suspicious.

'Oh, hi, Takada. It's been a while since we last spoke. How have you been?'

Matsuda smiled knowingly to Ide and the rest of task force returned to their usual work.

'I know you're unable to talk freely. I want you to know… that I've found out what you asked me to.'

And indeed, Light had caught a glimpse of Mikami the previous day, while L and him were on their way to questioning a witness pertaining to the minor case.

'That's a very pleasing thing to hear. Please, tell me more details.'

'His name is…'

And then, Light smirked as wide as he could.

He had done it. It had been unbelievably easy. He knew L's true name.

And now, he could make him do _anything_.

'Why is he smiling like that?' Ide whispered to his friend, looking suspicious.

' Oh, he's in love, of course.' Matsuda beamed all-knowingly. 'Not that _you_ would know anything about it. '

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><p><strong>Bah. Here it is. I'm sorry if it sucked, I really am. I'm not really in high spirits these days. But you should review anyway. Just saying:3<strong>

**Oh, and the Naomi (wait, is that her first or her last name? I have no idea) part has no importance for the storyline, it's just something I used to create a different L. I mean, the general opinion says he's never had a relationship in his entire life, right? What if he did? What if he was actually good at it? xD I might write a story about it, someday.**

**Until then, aaaa... I have nothing more to say. Kee****p safe and dodge icycles!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for not having updated in such a long time... school had me busy, but yay for winter holidays. **

**The next chapter will be the final one :D I would have warned you if I knew, but I don't plan out my chapters and I usually have no idea what will happen further than the current one. Anyway, if I keep it going for too long, I'll get bored and embarrased at the utter crap that I was able to write. The second one already happened.**

**Enjoy :3**

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><p>The shinigami watched as the man picked up the phone and called his superior. When he hung up, he resumed feverishly writing names in the notebook in a dark room that seemed to be isolated from humanity. It seemed that they were the only ones left in existence in that small space, the sound of the pen resembling a fast-paced, altered lullaby that swinged the entire human race to sleep, to eternal sleep…<p>

This was boring, Ryuk concluded. Now that Light knew L's name, he would get Mikami to write it down in no time, and then… what? Game over? He was on nobody's side, but he didn't want to see L dead. Just as Light, he was an invaluable source of fun… especially when faced with his younger enemy.

He wanted something different. After all, he knew what humans are capable of, if given a small impulse. Mikami was nothing like Light; the man was methodical to obsession, and his behaviour offered little to no entertainment to Ryuk. Go to work. Go to the gym. Come back home. Scribble scribble scribble. He had been the owner of the Death Note for too long now and it was time for a change.

The young, charming Kira that the notebook had created was fascinating to observe when faced with a change. Light was unpredictable, not because he was impulsive, but because his brilliant mind chose ways that only his equals could figure out.

Yes, Light was indeed a treat for a bored shinigami. Ryuk grinned (not that his facial expression was ever different) and mockingly thanked the gods he didn't believe in for his luck. Not that he actually cared how things went. But boredom could be excruciatingly unpleasant at times, and his time on Earth had been fun enough until then thanks to Light.

He did start to get tired of pointlessly floating around in a world that he didn't belong to, though.

And if he could alter the events a bit until making his leave, nobody would be hurt. Eh… almost nobody. He took out his Death Note and scribbled something into it. Sixty seconds later, the man before him collapsed to the floor, giving his last breath.

* * *

><p>Light grinned, and he didn't care how much the detective would dwell into it, but the reason behind his grin was well worth it.<p>

He only had to find the right moment to tell him that he knew, to enjoy the look on L's face before finally seeing him dead. He would write his name on the piece of paper hidden in his watch and for the task force, it would all point to Kira's doing.

Who was not him. Definitely not.

_Do you really want to see him dead?_ the little ghost in his head whispered, but he immediately rejected it. Of course he did, of course he did. Always wanted, always will.

'Kira has commited no crimes since yesterday afternoon.' L announced the next day.

'Whoa, that's amazing!' Matsuda shouted enthusiastically. 'Maybe the guy finally quit the killings, wouldn't that be great?'

Light froze. It had been roughly 24 hours since the last crime, if what L said was true. Usually, deaths were reported at less than 12 hours difference one from another. Something must have happened to Mikami... Between panicking and trying to find a reason for the man's lack of action, Light's mind made a note to take Matsuda to criminal psychology classes soon.

'This strangely synchronises with the time of death of Mikami Teru, prosecutor, aged 27.' L continued, ignoring Matsuda.

Light mentally cursed. Again. And again. He widened his eyes in the detective's direction, seeming interested by such a valuable fact in the Kira case while waves of anger took hold of him, dimming his vision and hindering his thought process.

'Teru's estimated time of death is yesterday, 1.05 PM. The last crime that Kira committed happened at 1.02 PM on the same day. This means that there is a high chance that Teru either was connected to Kira… or was the criminal himself. It would be correct to assume that he wrote the name of the last criminal at 1.01 PM, and that he was killed a few minutes later, within the acceptable margin of error. What is also known is that he died from a heart attack… which makes it almost certain that he worked for Kira, who probably disposed of him for unknown reasons.'

'But… couldn't he have been Kira? Maybe he killed himself or something.' Ide suggested.

'The Kira I know would never do such a thing.' L mumbled. He looked in Light's direction, but his gaze failed to reach the boy who was already losing his grip.

All his fury and frustration which he had masked for so long erupted into a long, feral growl. Light crashed down to the floor as despair filled his every cell; his hands were fists in his hair in what was a manifesto of the anger he felt after having been defeated again and again by his own choices and infatuation.

Mikami was dead. Had he killed himself, like the idiot that he was? Had they found the notebook? Did Ryuk decide to pointlessly cause him more trouble just because he was an interesting observation subject? The questions lost their shape and intertwined in Light's mind, but he couldn't figure out the answers. All he could clearly state was that he had lost, finally and irrevocably.

Somehow he had known it since the beginning. He had known it would be impossible to get away with his presumedly good-natured crimes, but his house-sized ego had crafted the perfect lies to deceive himself. No, it hadn't been only the ignorant crowd and the brilliant few that he had lied to- first time first, he'd deluded himself.

Now, there was only one thing to do. He moved through the foggy illusion of a reality and, shoving Aizawa away, he quickly grabbed a pen and opened his watch.

If he'd be caught- and he would, because Mikami _must_ have left some traces behind- he could at least drag the detective down with him, stop him from enjoying his victory. _Stop life from flowing through him as long as there was no one there to value it. _

'Light, you're trembling. Calm down.' Mogi said firmly as he shook the boy's shoulders, trying to knock some sense into him.

'Son, are you okay? Talk to me.' he heard his father say from somewhere far behind a dusty fog. Lifting up his head, he could see the whole crew gathered around him, leaving him no space to breathe clearly. They were talking, he could _hear_ them talking- but he didn't listen. All he could listen to was his own rageful voice.

'Light-kun is probably mad because it is possible that Kira died without letting us know his reasons, and without giving him the opportunity to avenge Amane's death.' he heard the cold, statistical voice say. It was the only voice that had had anything interesting to say, _ever. _But he hated it, and he hated the detective with all that he had. The silly excuse that he had invoked for his breakdown might be helpful in front of the task force, but it wasn't for him, because he had to start it all over again with the lies and reasons and he was tired, he really was.

L crouched in front of Light, so their gazes were now at the same level. He looked in the detective's clear eyes wildly, trying to stop his limbs from trembling and to calm the qualms of his conscience. Then, he noticed- he still had the pen in his hand. He could get it all over with, right there and then.

The tip of the pen touched the white paper in an instant.

_L Law_

The detective's hand firmly gripped on his wrist, and he lifted Light from the ground. The pen fell from his hand, the name left unwritten.

'Me and Yagami-kun will go get chocolate.' L affirmed. 'It is known for its beneficial effects in case of nervous breakdown.' he added as an answer to the task force's outraged looks.

'But Ryuzaki, Light…' the chief started.

'Have no worries. I will take care of him.' he said, leaving the crew wide-eyed and perplexed as he dragged Light upstairs, extra-speed mode activated.

'What the hell are you doing?' the boy shouted, stumbling, angry at his failed murder attempt.

'Be quiet. We are still being monitored.' the detective murmured. Having arrived to their familiar, monitor-free room, L faced Light as the younger boy was trying to catch his breath and calm the dizziness that hadn't yet left him.

'Light, I need you to tell me the truth.' he said, dropping the honorary and seeming as serious as never before. 'Did you kill Mikami Teru?'

'No.' Light answered instinctively before he had any time to think his answer out.

'Good. Do you know who did?' L asked, and Light could almost read a shadow of relief on his features.

'No. What the hell are you trying to do, get a confession?' the boy shouted in anger.'You already know,' he added, then closened his face to L's, whispering. 'Go on, send me to prison, get me the death sentence. But what ever place in hell I'll be in, I'll take you with me.'

'Childish as always, Light-kun.' the detective said, regaining his composure and placidity, not appearing intimidated by Light's threat. 'I find it ironic that I could have been dead a thousand time until now, yet you did nothing to harm me. I dare say that you wouldn't do it now, either.'

_He probably didn't see that I was just writing his name. _He didn't answer, but threw a furious look in L's direction instead. He could kill him now. There were just four letters left to write. That would take… roughly two seconds. That was nothing. Two seconds to kill somebody, it was a piece of cake. But this wasn't just 'somebody', and the fog having started to evaporate from Light's thoughts, he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't write the name, hell knows why.

'What do you want?' he finally asked.

' I want to help you.'

'I don't need your help.' Light said, his eyes throwing daggers of hate in L's direction. But he couldn't tell how much of that hate was genuine anymore.

' Oh, but you do. You're in a critical situation. Evidence has been found that you have been keeping in touch with Teru. If the task force found out, even they would become suspicios. They would connect the dots by themselves. Former Kira suspect having kept in touch with current Kira suspect. You couldn't get away with it, Light-kun.'

A small smile bloomed on his lips, the kind of smile that preceeded nothing of good omens.

'Admit it.'

'Never.' Light gritted through his teeth.

'I dare you, Light. Admit that you're Kira, and I might spare you', L said mischieviously, a playful light dancing in his dark eyes. 'Telling the truth is unusually difficult even when lies are of no use anymore, isn't it?'

Light leaned over to L's ear, tracing the line of his neck with his fingertips.

'You should know better…_ L_ _Lawliet_.'

L's breath stopped, and he remained still for a few seconds, enough for Light to enjoy his momentary victory. There was nothing better than this; having found out the biggest secret of the one who seemed intangible in his isolation and permanent secrecy, unmasking the identity of the one who had multiplied his personas until he had probably remained clueless himself of who he really was. Now, Light knew who he was, too. And for some reason, it felt incredibly good.

'How do you know?' he whispered, and Light noticed the tremble in his voice with satisfaction. 'How do you know?' he shouted, violently pushing Light into a wall, pinning his shoulders against it.

Light laughed at the delightful sight of an angry L, and his laugh was that of a madman.

'Mikami had the eyes and he saw your name. You should've been more precautious than that. Going out in broad daylight like that… seriously, L, and you call yourself the greatest three detectives in the world.'

' I make mistakes, Light. After all, as you said… I'm only human.' L smiled sarcastically, but Light could still feel the quiver of insecurity behind his words. He let go of the boy and he recomposed himself, the sarcasm from before leaving place to his characteristic detachment combined with a slight trace of curiosity. It was amazing how he could control himself sometimes, Light thought involuntarly.

'What will you do now? Kill me? Blackmail me to shield you from the law in exchange for my life? I'm only curious about what will you come up with next, Kira.'

Oh, he had no idea.

'_Prove_ me that you're human, and I won't kill you.' Light smiled evily.

' Oh, you most certainly aren't referring to…' L smiled in amusement. 'I have had the opportunity to notice your deviant tendencies, Light-kun, but I must confess, this exceeds my expectations. You must believe that you can do anything you want from me, now that you have my name? I am not afraid of death. I prefer it to losing my dignity.'

' You were alarmed when I said your name. Admit it, _Lawliet_. You're afraid.'

The detective flinched again at the sound of his name. It was like it was an old dusty toy that he had kept in store for many years, awaiting for the right time to use it for a game that was intricate enough.

' I am merely not used to hearing my name said out loud.' he admitted, shrugging. 'It was… surprising.'

Light could almost, _almost _understand- and yet again he felt that trace of empathy and affection towards L, and he felt like repeating his name over and over again, until he would get used to it, until all the dust would vanish, but the feeling wasn't strong enough to overcome his anger and his wish to finally get things over with.

'Stop playing innocent with me. It won't work.' he affirmed coldly.

'But I was merely honest, Light-kun.' L pleaded. 'Since this is a moment of… confessions… I believe that it is your turn.'

'I have nothing to say to you.'

'Oh, but you do.' L smiled. 'For example, let's take the most obvious question… Why am I not dead yet?'

Light didn't know. He felt a strong impulse to continue writing down L's name, but an even stronger aversion to the fact that he even started writing it in the first place.

'I could ask you the same thing.' he diverged. ' You know I'm guilty. You could have imprisoned me up to now, but you didn't.'

'That is correct. The _truth_ is, Light-kun,' he emphasized sarcastically, '…that it would be a pity not to have you around.' Light frowned. All his trouble dated back from the moment when L had suddenly decided that honesty was the path to follow. 'Do you remember when I told you that you were my first and only friend? It was partially a lie, as you might have figured out already, but it had a grain of truth hidden in it. You are the only one whom I can call my equal. A world without you would leave me as lonely as I was before, and even though I can't say I particularly enjoy being chained to you at all times, it certainly is an interesting experience sometimes.'

'So that's your reason. You want to keep me around for entertainment.' Light affirmed. He wasn't surprised. He had somehow expected this; after all, he felt the same, and enough time had passed for him to get accustomed to L's sudden honesty attacks. 'But what about justice?' he continued mockingly. 'Isn't catching Kira more important than your personal interests?'

'You know me better than that, Light. I don't care for justice that much; I only am a detective because I enjoy my profession. I can save the world to a certain extent, but the rest is their job. I have better things to take care of, such as myself.' L affirmed blankly. 'You must know this as well as I do. You hide behind the pretext of cleansing the world of evil as to cover your own megalomania and thirst for power. You are an extremely egotistical human being… though your reasons of keeping me alive are slightly different than mine.'

' Please, amaze me once again with your deductive skills.' Light spat out in sarcasm, even though, deep inside, he had acknowledged the truth of L's words.

Not that he minded the truth that much, and he knew that the detective didn't either. After all, people are born selfish, because their own selves are the only reality they know. Egotism isn't a sin.

' You are in love with me.'

…_but love is?_

Light remained dumbfounded. Not because he was offered a truth that was both surprising and outrageous, not because it was something he didn't know already, but because his own conscience was amazed to hear it, as if for the first time, as if someone else saying it would have suddenly woken him up and would've made him realize the truth he'd been hiding from himself all this time.

L noticed the smile suddenly vanishing away from Light's lips and presented one of his own, as an answer to the boy's silence.

Light didn't say anything. He couldn't and he didn't want to; for him, carefully observing the detective's reactions and replies was almost as entertaining as it was for Ryuk to notice him. Now that he had regained some of his composure, he recognized traces of affection in his hate and his attempt to kill the one he loved became a tragic event that he thought about with a strange feeling of passion and theatricality.

He felt ashamed of himself for a fraction of a second- had he become one of the silly, pathetic humans he despised so much? But then it all went away; the anger, the fury, the hate, the wish to clean the world of evil, his desire to become a god, his stained history of murder for a noble cause, his aspirations, his plans- they all drowned and faded into an incredibly alive present moment, the only thing that seemed real anymore: himself and the man standing in front of him.

Love?

_Love? _He hadn't loved anybody in his life. He couldn't love _him. _No, he most certainly didn't; L was wrong, it was only an illusion. Or perhaps, since it was a new feeling, he couldn't categorize it properly- how can you recognize love if you've never felt it?

Was it an impression? Wasn't L supposed to fall for him, not viceversa? Wasn't he supposed to hate him, didn't he hate him just a few minutes before, or had _that _beenthe real illusion? Reality, unreality, whatever. It was there and then, and everything felt the same.

'How did you reach that conclusion?' he managed to ask with a blank face.

' You seek physical proximity to me. You hide it beneath the presumed intention of, perhaps, seducing me or teasing me through your actions, but in reality, all that you do is satisfy your own needs. Just like _Kira_ uses an altruistic excuse for his murders, you lie to yourself that your actions towards me have a final purpose. But they don't. All you want is connected to your own needs and wishes. Kira wants power, you want sex. Gather these two into one human being and there it is, disaster.' He paused, eyeing Light who was now looking at him defiantly. ' It could simply be categorized as mere physical attraction, but you are also incapable of killing me, and this has deeper implications. You probably started to write down my name on the piece of paper from your wristwatch when you found out that your ally- or your inferior, better said?- is dead, but it was an impulsive action. You were driven by fear and by anger at your own failure which derived from the fact that you kept me alive for all this time. You couldn't, and can't, kill me while you're lucid. Is that correct?' he concluded after having monologued on his usual neutral tone.

'Yes.' Light found himself admitting, more to himself. L was right, a thousand times right. Now, that all lies had been cast away… it actually felt relieving, liberating.

But what now?

He looked at L, now having the realisation that he _loved_ him, and things seemed different. Not even the angles at which the light fell on his features were the same, and the fact that the man had seen beyond his masks, again and again, made him feel weak and powerless, but somehow…

It didn't matter anymore. He had already lost.

He felt L's lips locking with his and he responded frantically, not questioning why on earth was he kissing him, but this time without trying to win, to overpower him. He abandoned himself to the detective, all infatuation and ego dissolved into one simple manifestation of what he could never admit.

'Say it.' L broke the kiss and whispered into Light's ear.

Light quivered, and conformed.

'I'm Kira.'

'Good. Anything else?'

He hesitated.

'I love you.' he finally heard himself say, but it felt weirdly estranged, as if it was someone else saying it. 'I love you', he repeated. It sounded more natural this time, but he knew it was just like it happened with L's true name- he wasn't used to it. It was such a strange thing for him to say, but at that moment, it felt like the only thing that he could tell to the man whom he loved- hated- everything.

'Even better. _Because I don't._' L whispered in his ear, and Light could almost see the malicious smile on his face as his lips moved.

But he couldn't care less. It didn't really matter anymore; his feelings were the only thing that was real and everything was fine, everything could be great.

Except for the fact that each of them had the power to kill the other, and it would probably just be a matter of time until one of them would make the first step.

Just _that._

They were both taken aback when they turned their heads to notice the tall, dark figure standing in the door.

'So glad I was here for the fun part,' Ryuk grinned at them, seeming entertained.

'What do you want?' Light gritted through his teeth.

'Well, I guess I came to say goodbye. I won't be hanging around for too long.'

From somewhere in the back of his mind, Light pulled out the distant information about the notebook… Mikami… Death Gods… It all seemed strangely unfamiliar, as if there had been someone else carrying out the killings instead of him, someone who had left in the meanwhile, leaving him only with the raw facts.

'What do you mean? You killed Mikami, didn't you?'

'Yeah, I did. And look at the reward I got for messing up things a bit. Who would've believed? You're even more fun than I though, Light.' the shinigami said.

'Shut up.' Light barked. ' Now give me back the Death Note.'

'Oh, should I? Or should I just stay here and watch as you lose your memory of ever having owned the notebook? Tough choice…'

'What?' Light shouted. 'Why would I? I didn't forfeit ownership, it's still _my _notebook. Now, give it back or there'll be no apples for you anymore.' he threatened.

'Nope, sorry. Technically, his owner was Mikami. As the deal says, I, his shinigami, killed him and now the notebook's mine.' he said, levitating in front of the two.

Light cursed between his teeth.

'… unless, of course, I give it back to you and you get to keep your memories of it.' the shinigami added mischievously.

'Don't.' L interfered. 'You've done enough harm here. Leave.'

'Hek hek… so there really is something between the two of you. You want to save him. ' Ryuk said, seeming delighted.

'Not at all. I am talking as a detective who would prefer to get rid of a case where hundreds of people are killed every week, than to continue to pointlessly deal with it while people perish right before my eyes.' L affirmed.

Light knew it was a lie. L didn't really care about people dying. Did that mean that he cared about _him_, and he wanted to save him from Kira's grip, or was it just an attempt to simplify the difficult situation in which they were even before Ryuk had appeared?

He had no time to think of it. He had to get the Death Note back. He was nothing without it.

' Ryuk, give me the notebook. If you leave now, you'll miss all the fun.' Light pleaded almost desperately. He needed to get the notebook back. _He needed, he needed_…

'I'll still be around, y'know. I have to eventually kill you, after all. '

'But keeping me under surveillance will be boring without the notebook!'

'I'm kinda tired anyway. I guess I started missing the quiet and the comfort of the ol' shinigami realm. I need a break. But don't worry, Light, we'll meet again, and for your own good, I hope it isn't too soon, hek hek.' Ryuk grinned.

Light ran after the shinigami helplessly trying to catch him while L simply stood and watched, his face unreadable.

'Come back! I'm telling you, Ryuk, you can't do this to me! I'm Kira! I have to be the god of the new world! I have to… have to…'

Light's vision became blurry and he lost track of his thoughts as Ryuk was already flying out the window, grinning in delight. Everything in his mind seemed to mix into a whirlwind of memories and feelings, until they all became clearly ordered. What was important. What wasn't. What was Kira. What wasn't.

_I'm Kira. I love you. _

He could see L somewhere in the room, getting closer to him.

_I'm Kira. I love you. _

Darkness was taking over his vision as he fell, but someone was there to catch him. As history was being rewritten in his mind, he closed his eyes, abandoning himself to unconsciousness, the sweetest of them all.

_I love you._

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><p><strong>The next (and final) chapter will probably be one from L's perspective. Though that'll be difficult.<strong>

**Eh, I'll take my time. ^^ Which is another way of saying I'll be late with the update, haha.**


	8. Chapter 8

**So... I'm updating. **

**And I'm scared.**

**The previous chapter got more reviews, alerts and faves than any other chapter, so a big thank you to those who took their time to read this. It makes me happy, it really does. xD**

**This chapter really is the last one, because the story felt like it needed to end. And it's slightly different from the others, because of the change that Light went through. And because my writing style changes once with the wind, and add that to the change of perspective and... aaa, I'll shut up now.**

**Also, the first part is some inner monologue again, because this is from L's perspective and I needed to present past events from his point of view. **

* * *

><p>L held the younger boy in his frail arms, having broken his fall moments before he should've hit the floor. By that time, Light's eyes were already closed and his face irradiated nothing but the comfortable calm of unconsciousness. L thought he looked beautiful like that.<p>

And even if unconsciousness wasn't really a healthy state to be in for too long, L thought this was good. It was a relief for Light to finally take a break from the thoughts that clouded his mind and the feelings that affected his judgement.

Because L knew how it felt to lose, to be defeated by the one whom you want to defeat the most; he had lost, too, even it statistics didn't prove it, he had misplaced parts of him during investigations, parts of his humanity and parts of his dignity that nobody else knew of, because now they were gone. It wasn't all bright and wondeful; you didn't become the top three detectives by keeping your sanity unharmed, and L knew that better than anyone.

And then, the name… Light had lost, but before that, he showed L a glimpse of what his victory would've looked like- and L registered this as a defeat in his book. A small one, but a real defeat. Nobody but Watari knew his real name. He hadn't even revealed it to Naomi, and even though she had understood, he knew she would've wanted more- and that he would never, ever be able to be completely open with her.

Or with anybody, for that matter. That's what his profession called for, and he was ready to comply- partly because he loved his job, partly because this way, he could shield himself from the rest of the world easier, a tendency that he'd had ever since he was a child. Keeping people at a distance had the requested dose of difficulty and occasional suffering to keep him _alive_- it was perfect.

And then _he_ came, and he whispered his name in that sly, victorious voice… it wasn't that L had expected someone different, he simply hadn't expected someone knowing his name at all.

He had already got used to the idea that no one but Watari would ever say it aloud, and when Light broke his expectations, he knew it had been enough to make him lose.

He _always_ had to be prepared.

The small slip that had costed him his name- _maybe_ it had been a mistake after all, but it had been half-intentioned. At that time, he already knew that whatever Light planned to do, he was safe; he just wanted to know exactly _how_ safe he was. And there, he found out. He was perfectly safe because Light loved him, but he couldn't say the same thing about his name.

Although, maybe Light loved that, too.

It was all past that now, though. L looked down at the beautiful creature in his arms, his former enemy. Light's hair was slightly ruffled, remembrance of the past drama he'd put himself through, and his lips were slightly parted. L looked at him, and he realised that he wasn't completely happy with the setting.

He had watched the boy change from Kira to Light and then to Kira again, and as much as he enjoyed talking to Light and noticing him putting up the perfect-boy act for the entire human race- except for him, of course- it had still been Kira who had almost defeated him and who gave birth to their strange relationship.

L had just went through the most difficult case in his entire career, and he had been thoroughly enjoying it. Truth was, he loved games. The more difficult, the better. The higher the chance to get defeated, the better. And Kira had been a worthy opponent, indeed.

But now Kira was gone, and so was a considerable amount of fun. Could he still see an opponent in Light? An opponent for _what_, exactly?

It had been a beautiful fight, and it could still be.

It was a fight that went beyond Kira now. L knew he hadn't won. Light had lost, completely and irrevocably, but L hadn't won.

Unless making someone fall in love with you, this becoming incapable of carrying out his plans to kill you, counted as a victory. Hell, L hadn't even planned to make Light fall for him. It was actually hindering to their confrontation, and it made it an unfair fight for the younger boy. What had started as an exciting game of wit and strategy ended up as a trivial fight for dominance in a kiss. L felt suddenly lowered from his ivory tower, and at one point, even his self-esteem had threatened to collapse.

What was this, a serious case involving thousands of murders? Or a highschool romance drama?

But for some reason, he didn't back off. He knew that Light was beginning to become unstable, therefore easier to manipulate. He could tell from the fact that Misa was dead and he was still alive. And because he noticed that the boy was attracted to him, with a slight chance of actually being in love, he knew there was no turning back, and that he'd have to make everything out of it.

Manipulating people had never been difficult, anyway.

So when he had kissed Light, had he done it to serve a purpose or for his own entertainment?

L didn't know. Both, perhaps. He'd had to get used to physical proximity again, which hadn't been exactly easy, since this was _Kira_ he had to get close to, and his instincts told him to keep away for the sake of his own life. But at that time he could already sense Light- Kira's- defeat, and seeing hime give in, -literally- tasting the victory from his enemy's lips had been worth the small pieces of dignity he had lost.

Had it? L had to re-assure himself of who he really was, because things were changing rapidly, and he didn't want to fall in the same trap that Light had been deceived by. He was certainly not intending to fall in love with the boy.

Although it wouldn't be so hard, he thought absent-mindedly while observing Light's flawless features. Even with Kira gone from his system, he was still brilliant, beautiful and perhaps broken, too, in his attempt to perfection and in his continuous masks. It would be a delight to watch him fall once again…

The boy shifted in his arms and Light's eyes opened. For a moment, L couldn't help but realise once again, as if for the first time, how beautiful he really was.

His hazel eyes still seemed to be somewhere far away in dreamland –or in forgetland, maybe- but after blinking a few times, he realised where he was and he removed himself from L's arms, remaining on the floor and slowly massaging his temples.

'What happened?' he asked hazily.

'I believe that you have thrown a tantrum when hearing Kira has died, and after that you passed out.' L stated, deciding it was better to go for the truth. Well, for a good part of it, anyway.

'Why would I…' Light began, and his voice faded. 'I've been acting really awkward lately, haven't I?' he said, laughing weakily. 'I can't imagine why on earth I would be mad because Kira's dead. That's… great news, actually, ' he said, and his eyes grew wider, as if with a sudden realisation. 'It's brilliant, Ryuzaki! Kira's finally dead! It's awesome news, the case is finally solved!'

His enthusiasm was genuine, and L realised that this was really a new Light he was dealing with. A new, still confused Light, who would probably be just like the one who had no recollection of being Kira in their first chained- together era after he'd snap out of his puzzlement.

But at the moment, he had to explain _everything_ to him. L just hoped it wouldn't take Light too long to get back into his senses; he liked to explain things to people, but not when they were _that _obvious.

'This is exactly the problem, Light-kun. We haven't solved the case; Kira died by what seems to be his own, or someone else's, accord. His defeat was not the result of our actions and assiduous work, which might have well not existed at all, but was provoked by unknown reasons, unrelated to our efforts. I believe that this was the cause of your disappointment.'

'Yeah, you're right…' Light said, still looking bewildered. 'It's pretty annoying that we didn't manage to track him down after all. Did I faint for _that_ much? And why didn't I remember this? Eh, must be the fainting,' he said lightly, trying to get rid of his state. 'We should go back to the others now, Ryuzaki.'

'Are you sure? You don't look like you could handle another debate now, Light-kun.'

'Oh, are they still debating? They should be celebrating instead!' Light looked away, seeming to concentrate. 'Oh, I think I'm starting to remember. Since Teru Mikami died, there were no criminals who died of heart attacks. But that's not enough to close the case.' he affirmed, eyeing L.

_Oh, right_. He would just have to make up a story and invent some evidence to officially close the case and help Light get away with it. Not that it would be difficult- he _was_ L, after all- but the detective wondered where exactly, along the path, he started helping Light instead of trying to catch him and convict him…

It wasn't a sign of professionalism, not at all.

Neither was kissing his main suspect, and yet that hadn't stopped him much.

'I was just about to tell the investigation team when you fainted. Evidence has been found in Mikami's apartment.'

'What evidence?' Light's eyes widened. 'The notebook?'

'No, not the notebook, but its remains. He seemed to have burned it, most likely after writing his name in it. Bits of it were found on the floor, and criminals' names could be clearly read on them.'

_There. That should do it._

'Oh. That makes sense. It's strange that he didn't give any explanation for himself, though. The Kira we knew wanted attention, and wouldn't've chosen to die in such an anonymous way.' Light frowned.

…_or not._

'Perhaps his shinigami did it,' L suggested, deciding that this piece of truth wouldn't be harmful to Light.

'Why would he do that? And Ryuzaki, why the hell is there a _chain_ between us?' Light said, suddenly noticing that he was bound to L.

_Well, I was starting to wonder when he would notice. _L couldn't tell him the truth, though. If he told Light that they were chained together because Light was suspected of being Kira again, the boy would've, well, _suspected himself_ given the evidence. He was bright enough to connect the dots after all the questions were answered, and he'd think something wasn't right, and maybe that would bring his memories back altogether…

No, that couldn't happen. L didn't want Kira back. Even though Kira was, well, _fun_ and he kept L's boredom away, Light did that too, and more points went for the boy's mental sanity than for the megalomaniac mass-murderer part of him.

Not to mention that Light already thought too high of himself, even without being Kira.

'We… had gotten into a fight again, and I decided to conduct a study regarding how much time it takes until we end up killing each other if we are chained together in this state.' L stated simply, and to his surprise, Light chuckled.

'Or rather how much time it takes us to alleviate the conflict. Ryuzaki, this is too weird, even for you.'

'Do not underestimate my weirdness, Light-kun,' L deadpanned. 'And anyway, this is hardly peculiar. Children who quarrel are usually put in the same room for a while, or bound together in some way so they can bring the dispute to an end. Parents know what they are doing.'

' Yeah, but we're not kids, Ryuzaki.'

L smiled mischievously.

'I have a different opinion on that, Light-kun. I believe that we are both very childish.'

'Last time I checked, I wasn't the one obsessed with cake, sitting weirdly, ignoring people just because I feel like it and being the world's best three detectives just because it's _fun_.'

'True. Yet you _are_ the one who's excessively idealistic and hate to lose, just like a child.'

'You're also a sore loser, L.'

'The simple fact that we are having this conversation proves that we are both equally childish, and that is final.' L proclaimed.

'You're only saying this because you're out of arguments.'

'You're also saying that because you can't contest the truth of what _I_ said.'

'Child.'

'I am older than you, Light-kun.'

'Yeah, well, sometimes you really don't prove it, Ryuzaki.'

Light smiled. He looked at L and L could only see Light in his eyes, no killer, but the boy was still hiding dark things behind his cover- no, Light had lost his memories of being Kira, but he had also lost his honesty towards L. As long as the detective didn't keep him under surveillance, _anything_ could grow behind that mask.

L didn't want to take the risk.

'Light-kun, tell me.'

'What?'

'What ever you are thinking of. Tell me, now.'

L closened his face to Light's until he looked straight into his caramel eyes, trying to find something, trying to see. The boy obviously felt uncomfortable, and he shifted his gaze downwards, avoiding L's.

'I don't know what you're talking about.'

'Honesty, Light-kun. I am talking about you being honest to me. Tell me… what you remember.'

'I usually remember my entire life. I don't think you'd want to hear _that_.'

L sighed and retreated, leaving the boy his desired breathing space, much to Light's relief.

'I meant, what you remember since we met.'

'Well… there's the team pursuing Kira, day and night and mostly getting nowhere, and… me being a suspect… wait.' Light said in shock. 'I was one of the suspects for the case, now I remember. And Misa, too. And then Misa died.'

_And then you killed her, yes._

'Yes, that is correct. Misa committed suicide, much to our regret. But it had nothing to do with her being a suspect, which has been rendered a wrong assumption from my part, just like it happened in your case.'

'Yeah.' Light said, still seeming to be lost among his redeemed memories. 'Weird thing, the forgetting. Did I hit my head or something?'

'Yes, slightly. Before I could catch you,' L lied.

''Slightly' doesn't seem enough for me to suffer memory loss.' Light frowned. 'I'm not Kira.' he added.

'I know.'

Things were too unplausible, even for a confused Light. Would L have to tell him everything?

'And…' Light started as if automatically, but he didn't continue.

'Yes?'

'No, nothing.' He shook his dead. 'I just remembered something, but it doesn't matter.'

L wondered. If it was about their talk earlier that day, Light would've better not remembered. L didn't want a seventeen-year-old genius (literally) attached to him, nor crushing on him. Not to mention _in love _with him, though it was probably not the case.

'Actually, on second thought, it might actually matter, ' Light said, seeming amused as his gaze laid on the chain unfolding between them.

_He believes I chained us together for questionable reasons. Ah._

'Please, share your thoughts.'

'Well, there's a chain between us, Ryuzaki, and the reason I have in mind for this seems more plausible than yours,' he said, still smiling.

'I am not a pervert, Light-kun,' L said defiantly.

'I didn't say you were. It's just that, when people have… certain feelings for someone else, they sometimes don't dare to show them openly, which is why they choose to make their… intentions known in a more subtle way.'

'I am not a pervert, now am I in love with you,' L cleared, wishing he could erase the smug smile on the boy's face. God, his self-confidence still threatened to break through the roof. Losing his memories had really improved nothing. 'In fact, if I remember well, _you_ were the one confessing your feelings to me earlier on today, Light-kun.'

_Oh._ Should have he reminded him of this? He didn't want Light to have feelings for him, but he couldn't stand the boy being so self-assured, either. Clash of interests? Winner: pride.

'Yeah, I know, that's what I'd just remembered,' Light said, and his smirk paled, his features softening into a slight frown. 'I still mean it,' he added, and he sounded- just _sounded_, L thought- sincere.

'And I also still mean what I said to you.' L responded without hesitation. No, he was sure: he didn't want any Light on him. 'I apologize if I have made my position clear in such a… harsh way, but you must understand that I am not willing to be involved in a romantic relationship with you, Light-kun. It simply does not interest me, and given our strong-headed selves, I believe it would also have little chances of working out.'

'Yeah, sure, Ryuzaki. It's just like you said. But I never said anything about a relationship.' Light smirked again.

_Oh._

'Then what do you suggest, Light-kun?' L asked cautiously.

'Nothing much, really,' Light answered and shrugged, then simply leaned over to L and gave him a small peck on the lips.

_Oh._

This was different. This wasn't like Light at all, at least not like Kira-Light, and the small gesture assured L completely that Light was normal again. Back to his charming, unpredictable, seemingly perfect self.

_Seemingly _perfect? Who was L kidding? Light _was _perfect.

The boy's lips left his own in an instant, and Light stared at him with a slightly amused and superior look. He must have looked surprised.

Now that he wasn't Kira anymore, he was sane again, and his feelings for L weren't tormenting and dramatic, not at all. They just _were_, L thought. And this could be easy.

He leaned over and kissed the boy, slightly locking his lips with the other one's and leaving Light no time to respond until backing away after a couple of seconds.

L could read surprise in the boy's eyes, but it was swiftly replaced by the same wicked smile.

Wicked lovely, somehow. It wasn't evil and it didn't predict any upcoming homicides, it just acquainted whoever watched him that Light was self-confident and that he could as well do _anything_.

'I knew it', he exulted, but his eyes could read something different, a sultry pleasure that seemed somehow familiar.

'Light-kun knew what?' L asked, not being able to distract his eyes from the boy's still slightly parted lips.

'That you're attracted to me.'

'I never said I wasn't, Light-kun. I only said I wasn't _in love_ with you.'

_Ha._

'Oh,' Light replied, looking like he was taken aback, indeed. 'That makes perfect sense, and it allows me to do this, so I won't complain.' L felt something soft and warm on his lips again and then in his mouth and someone was kissing him before he could do anything to stop them- not that he would've, anyway. He felt limp and comfortable under Light's lips and one arm went around his waist, pulling him closer. L answered, and his hands wandered around in Light's auburn hair as he felt something _different_ in their display, something that felt like tenderness and almost affection.

And then he was suddenly on the floor, pinned under Light while the boy was nuzzling on his neck, and L closed his eyes, closing the whole world around them as he felt a cold hand slide under his shirt, and another one caressing the skin on his face, and it felt good.

It surely did, but things weren't supposed to go that way.

'Light-kun, I'm not sure this is…'

'Shh,' he whispeed, blowing hot air into L's ear, 'Ryuzaki, there's a _chain_ connecting our wrists together, don't tell me you didn't want this…'

_No, no I didn't, I only wanted to keep you under surveillance because you were Kira_, L's brain emitted, but the words couldn't reach his vocal chords because his mouth was occupied now and because he couldn't say that without unleashing a wave of questions and deductions and harmful memories from Light, so he simply complied.

Which was not very characteristic of him, but _this _Light, he didn't feel the need to overpower him or to prove him wrong, because he wasn't his enemy anymore. Light was his equal.

He doubted the boy's feelings as implying love, that 'love' had just been the creation of a desperate mind, the mind of a serial killer who needed something to hold on to, something human to stop him from completely drifting away from humanity. He had been too young to deal with the consequences of his actions without losing a part of his sanity on the road.

Just like L.

No, this wasn't love, this was just attraction.

And it was fun.

He slowly started to unbutton Light's shirt, taking delight in ever small move. He really did enjoy unbuttoning shirts, for some reason. It made him feel like he had control over the other person, like they were his own, to take and to break.

Although he didn't do those things, because now, Light was the one sitting on top of _him_.

That had to change soon.

But as the door opened and the chief of the police- also known as Light's Dad- eyed him carrying out sexually-related activities on the floor with his son, attempts at dominance hardly mattered anymore.

The chief looked at them with his mouth and eyes wide open, and anything that he might have wanted to say faltered as the two froze, returning the shocked stare.

Oh, this wasn't good.

Luckily enough, the man had enough common sense not to say anything out of place, and so, after a few tensioned seconds that felt like hours, he simply snapped out of his statue position and exited the room, closing the door silently behind him.

L bit his lip, trying not to laugh at imagining how the awkwardness of the conversation between the chief and the task force once he returned to the main room. Looking up at Light, who was still hovering over him and whose unbuttoned shirt revealed enough to make L not want to admit what exactly _what_ that was doing to him, he saw that the boy was as amused as himself. And then they both burst into laughter, and L felt the boy's warm breath against his neck as he collapsed on top of him, and everything was fine.

'We… should go downstairs and let everyone know that you're fine…' L said, still laughing.

'Yeah, they should know, unless dad already told them exactly _how_ alright I am', Light laughed, planting a small kiss on the detective's neck, then lifted himself up and helped L as well.

'Why are we even here in the first place, anyway?'

'You were having a breakdown and I wanted to offer you chocolate. Chocolate is good in stressful situations.' L replied, still distracted by Light's half-shirtles state.

'And you keep your chocolate in the bedroom, huh?'

'I keep my chocolate everywhere, Light-kun.'

'Sure you do,' Light smiled, then took the Hershey that L had just magically made appear out of nowhere- the drawer near the bed, that is.

They sat there, eating chocolate like two old friends- two old, chained together friends- and L thought that the only thing that was missing was the reminiscing and the teary eyes, that if he ignored the kisses and the shirtlessness. It felt strange, and at the same time it felt wonderful to treat your (ex) enemy like a friend, and it was so easy because they were _new_. Light was new, he was young and restless and brilliant and not corrupted anymore, and in that moment, L wanted things to stay like that for ever.

Light wouldn't be a liar anymore, not when he was around.

'Do you enjoy buttoning shirts as much as you enjoy unbuttoning them?' Light asked amused as L was taking care of the buttons he'd undone, so the boy would look presentable again.

'No,' L said with a serious face. On the contrary, I find it dull and, most of all, unuseful. Especially when it's Light-kun's shirt.'

Was he _flirting_? With Light? Well, it seemed like he was, and it seemed like a natural thing to do, so there.

'And why is that?' Light asked, a smirk playing on his lips. L was beginning to get used to him smirking around carelessly, and he knew it was nothing ill-intentioned, so it was perfectly fine.

'Because we will undo the buttons later, anyway.'

Yes, it certainly seemed natural. So it did when the boy tried to kiss him again, but L backed away, leaving Light suspended in an awkward leaning motion.

'Not now, Light-kun. I'm busy.'

Having one more button to take care of definitely counted as 'busy', yes.

They got rid of the chain- they had reconciliated, after all- and went downstairs to report on Light's state, which was sane, (now) fully clothed and entirely not Kira.

L would have to explain the team that Mikami had been Kira after all, in a way in which they couldn't say anything that would awaken Light's suspicion, or remind him that he had been a suspect. Which was a difficult, verging on 'impossible', thing to do, but after all, he could just lock the boy into a closet and keep him away from all harmful conversation if necessary.

Or, he could hold a ten-minute speech on the case, telling all that had to be told in a slightly distorted, Light-safe way, to fit his purpose, and at the end, the team would be too bored to ask any more questions. Actually, he would answer all their questions in advance, so they would have none left to ask. Yes, that sounded better, though L didn't mind the closet idea either.

And regarding the genius that he was now –kind of- involved with, well, Light could certainly be a nuisance and a distraction to his work. L didn't have time for this, not at all. But since there were more cases to solve, and Light would probably work at them too, if he wouldn't be busy with school, they would eventually end up spending time together, and_ someone_'s shirt would eventually be unbuttoned.

Which wasn't that bad. After all, both of them were rather bored, and they needed company that wouldn't bore them. Not to mention that Light's boredom had already killed thousands of people, so L thought it was better to alleviate it in a different way, a way that didn't imply any murdering notebooks.

That they still owned. One, at least; the one in the secured locker in the headquarters, that would never, _ever _land in Light's hands. L would destroy it, just to make sure.

And _then_, everything would be alright, in a way that neither of them would have thought of before.

* * *

><p><strong>So, there's a happy ending.<strong>

**I could have made it dark, but Light returned to his usual, no-Kira self, and L never really took things seriously, so... things had to be fine. Until now, Light was all dramatic because he was losing it, with being Kira and having been defeated and all that. But now, he forgot everything, so things are sunny and bright, yay.**

** Please, tell me what you think of this chapter, if it fits, if it's stupid, anything really. Thank you to those who followed this story, I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you enjoyed it too. It's the longest story I've ever wrote, longer than any original fiction of mine xD I've actually learned stuff while writing it, stuff that helped me with the other things I'm writing at the moment.**

**Also, I know my vocabulary is not so wide-ranged and it's really annoying when I write, it probably is when reading, too. (English is not my first language; excuse used.) Someday I'll improve and write better stories.**

**Now, this long AN will be over. **

**I might, miiiight write a sequel to this, one day, if I get any ideas. xD**


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